BMW drivers naff?

So in the week that Steve Jobs finally resigned from his position in Apple, which has relied so much in recent years on the internet for its products success, it was perhaps apt that we were guests of Tony “I invented the internet” Coombs last night. It was also a touch ironic in that whilst there I could get no signal on my blackberry and thus no internet at his humble abode.

I was on a mission to see if I could drink as much as he did when he came to a party at ours with his lovely wife Pat earlier in the summer. Clever man that he is, he was wary of my intentions and had clearly come to terms with having to stock copious amounts of wine in expectation . He was so incoherent when at our place that he seemed to have reverted to Dos or binary, such was the lack of clarity in his speech.

Earlier in the day, we went up into the hills behind Pre du Lac for a walk with the dogs, and I witnessed a crime. We used to call it scrumping when we were kids, and I grew out of it aged 14 when the farmer from whose orchard we were liberating apples produced a 12 bore shotgun and suggested in his own country way that what we were doing was illegal and not conducive to health or a long life.

That nice lady decorator insisted that we stop beside a fig tree which bordered a small track but was clearly someone else’s property. She then proceeded to scrump a bag full of figs. I took this picture of the evidence and am expecting a knock at the door from the gendarmerie at any moment. I guess that technically, I am complicit in the receiving of stolen goods, but I am hoping that my giving up the perpetrator to those fine custodians of the law and supplying the evidence with which to convict her will be sufficient for me to be exonerated. If we are not discovered and are able to consume the evidence before our arrest, then there may be some hope. There should be enough to keep us going (in more ways than one) for a week at least.

The booty, the proceeds from that nice lady decorators haul today. I fig ure she may be in trouble

Cathie the Culture comments that in some recent survey, that Mercedes drivers (such as my good self)  are 8 out of 10 on some nerd scale measuring 1 to 10. What she does not say is whether 1 is good or bad, so I guess that 8 out of 10 is not bad? What I have not revealed before today in this column is that a few years ago I always drove a Bentley, but was persuaded to part with it on by that nice lady decorator on the grounds that it may be a target for thieves, that and the fact that it was costing 1000 euros a month to maintain, so I was persuaded to swap it for my current hairdressers delight, the Merc. I am almost certain that the Bentley would have measured 10 on Cathie the Cultures scale of naffness. Being Australian, it is clear that her measure of culture is of the highest and most rigorous standard and should be respected by all.  However, she goes on to say that BMW drivers appear to be the naffest of all, so in that context you may not be surprised to discover the Tony “I invented the internet” Coombs drives a BMW. I wonder how his particular BMW with a self-inflicted dent might score with Cathie the Culture?

Chris France