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Wasp dies in pate outrage

August 18, 2011

Wet suit Nigel destroyed my pate. Wasps are rare in Valbonne, but we had a persistent pest (apart from that nice lady decorator) around us lunch in the web and Nigel was the one that managed to kill it. However, to flatten a very nice piece of pate was quite a large price to pay to rid ourselves of an irritating insect. The fact that he ruined his shirt and destroyed a tea towel in the pursuit of irritating insect annihilation mattered not a jot to him, winning was everything.

Earlier, I had no doubt irked him as I had triumphed at golf, although the wet suited one could probably agree that he played so badly that it was he who lost rather than I who had won. However, regular readers will know of my proposed epitaph; “magnanimous in victory, sulky in defeat” , and that I would have been at my magnanimous best.

He has challenged me again today, so this time I intend to take money off him, as I was rather gentle with him today because of his ability to secure tickets to Lords for Test Matches, and his invitation to stay at his stunning property Alhambra in Kenya in November. He is developing a beautiful beach front domain called Medina Palms where he will clearly need the services of Currencies Direct and regular readers will know that I leave no stones unturned when it comes to seeking new customers, wherever they are in the world. I know, it is selfless of me, but that’s just me, generous until the end.

I don’t know if you have heard that expression about have all your ducks in a row, but my picture today, taken at the last REGS golf event, perfectly illustrates this phrase.

Regs golfer ensures all his ducks are in a line

My distaste for the 30 kilo cocker spaniel, Banjo, so beloved by that nice lady decorator, and in my household against my express command, has been well documented in the past. To be anywhere near him will ensure that a disgusting aroma follows you around all day, and if you are ever stupid enough to pet him, then he will dribble copiously on your person, or more likely your cream trousers, to the extent that people come up to you and sympathise about your “little problem”.  I cannot recall the number of times when he has done this to me so now I  avoid all contact when ever possible. He has excelled himself this week, gobbing on three guests in as many days. People are so polite “Oh don’t worry, it will wash out” is a standing refrain in our house, but the problem is, it doesn’t and I don’t have the heart to tell people this, it just seems they never come around again.

So golf again today will be  followed by lunch as guests of wet suit Nigel at the house where he is staying on Mougins. I do hope he has some different trousers for today after the careful ministrations of Banjo yesterday. As a child I had a jar of something called green slime, and what emanated from his mouth reminds me of that. We have decided to play Opio Valbonne aka Chateau Begude again, partly because we could not get on at St Donat until lunchtime, which apart from being too hot, would interfere with the far more important ritual of lunch in the south of France.

Just another ten days to go and the holiday season will start to wind down, we will be able to start enjoying the place again.

Chris France

2 Comments leave one →
  1. Cathie Van Der Stel permalink
    August 18, 2011 10:47 am

    Banjo. What on earth are you feeding that unfortunate creature? If the answer includes table scraps, you may want to have some consideration for your children who you are no doubt expecting to care for you in your old age.

    In case it hadn’t occurred to you, this may be the real reason your friend wear a wetsuit.
    Have you considered scotch proofing your trousers & those of your friends?


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