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Lost on the golf course

August 12, 2011

How do you manage to get lost on a golf course? a nine-hole gold course at that. Yesterday at the monthly golf meeting of the International Club Of The Riviera, the second group took three and half hours to arrive back, exhausted at the clubhouse. I knew when I saw them crossing the fourth after three hours that they were lost, so we ordered some more beers and awaited their arrival for lunch.

Amongst the happy throng was a chap called Brian, whose orange shirt matched his complexion after a hot mornings golf. Another character who I had only met once before is Derek the lawyer. He was gleefully telling us that his old office in Broadwater farm in Tottenham had been burned down in the riots over the last few days, and even more gleefully remembering the riots in the 1980’s which he claims bought him his first yacht. It seems a large number of the local residents required representation under the legal aid rules after being charged with various offences. This means us tax payers funded his comfortable retirement. Talk is indeed cheap except when talking to you lawyer. Of course when  talk, it is for free and I had a captive audience for my homily on the benefits of opening an account with Currencies Direct, thereby ensuring that I shall be submitting the bill for lunch to my accountants for the usual argument as to what is allowable as a bona fide business expense.

At least yesterday, all the intended golfers arrived on time at the correct golf course, from where my picture emanates today, a feat that appears to be beyond the wingco who on Monday called excitedly from the first tee at the Grande Bastide Golf Course to say that he was on time (a first in its own right), and where were we , only to discover the other three of us were on the tee at Opio Valbonne, Chateau Begude, the correct venue. I suppose the good news is that he did not get lost on the course, although he lost his way a little in the restaurant as we all did after that epic lunch.

View from the tee of the 6th hole at La Provencal. In the distance, you may be able to make out 4 lost golfers. those following this in the UK, please note the colour of the sky. It is called blue.

I have been ripped off. We decided to buy some new tyres for Bluebell as her old ones were cracking up a bit, which would be a fair description of its owner. we decided on white wall tyres and were excitedly looking forward to their arrival. However, the white on the wall is less than an inch wide. The tyres could be best described as white line tyres, so lets hope they add a bit of speed to the old girls performance, and I don’t mean that nice lady decorator.

Today, it will be a gradual wind down towards the weekend. It has been a busy week, two rounds of golf and two lunches, so barely a moment to myself. With various friends threatening to arrive tomorrow and over the weekend, I may find I am drawn into a little social drinking in the sunshine.

I hear from Marina Kulik about my potential nude male modelling assignment. I am distressed to hear that she would like me to interact with Franck the “professional” nude model. what kind of interaction is not clear, but I admit to a schism of unease.

Chris France

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