Etiquette disaster from old Wellingtonian

And so to tennis and lunch at Auberge St Donat. I am constantly being pilloried by my better educated peers about not going to a proper school. Consequently I do not know which finger should be sticking out straight when drinking tea out of china cups or how best to eat cucumber sandwiches, indeed in my house when I was growing up we were more likely to get tea in mugs and eat salad cream sandwiches, but not those dainty little things I keep seeing on Midsummer Murders ( got to be the most dangerous place to live in England), oh no, these were great hunks of bread sawn off a huge loaf. Anyway, I digress, because of my perceived and possibly very real lack of understanding about quite how to behave in certain circumstances, I often just watch and listen to my (in their own minds) superiors for pointers about to behave with decorum and wherever possible to employ the correct etiquette.
Restaurants in particular, and how to conduct one self therein are a constant source of enlightenment for me. So imagine my astonishment yesterday when Mr Clipboard, who went to Wellington, a school that I do not have the heart to put the boot into, left less than his share of the cost of lunch, and then left the restaurant early, causing one of us, namely me to stump up on his behalf. The actions of a cad and a bounder.

Is this the correct way to behave when you have been to Wellington? Well it appears that Mr Clipboard was at Wellington for at least part of his education but it has been revealed that he was actually thrown out before having to complete his education at Guildford College. No university has been mentioned. Perhaps in this light his failure to pay his full share of the bill is put into its proper context.

This particular lunch was taken after tennis yesterday morning, and after I had completed my exacting tasks required in respect of my work with Currencies Direct, where once again I was able to protect my unbeaten record this year. The minor aberration of losing a hastily convened tie break at one set all with lunch pressing cannot possible be considered a result, merely a way of deciding who should win the ten euro wager, and given Mr Clipboards clearly impecunious circumstances evidenced by his cutting and running at lunch time, I was delighted to hand him the bank-note, which he rather immaturely decided to wear on his forehead over lunch as my picture today shows.

Mr Clipboard looking rather stupid with a banknote on his forehead

He insisted that I take the picture, and although I have tried to airbrush in some style, you can see it was a tough job.

Today, after the customary run around the Valmasque forest and along the Brague River with the dogs, one good and one bad, I shall be continuing the detailed planning required for the forthcoming camping trip about to commence. This is an onerous task and requires considerable concentration and I find is best undertaken from the hammock. Which campsite, their various good and bad points and particularly which have internet access as I must continue to post this column each day despite being away from home are the main considerations. Why?, I hear some of you ask, and the reason is clear, I have a veritable legion of followers desperate to improve their lives by reading this daily insight into the lives of the idle rich in Valbonne. Indeed, when it is late posting I often receive a torrent of abuse from my happy followers, both of whom cannot wait for the latest exciting instalment. That is my line and I am sticking to it.

Chris France