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Aviators in the flower bed shock

June 23, 2011

I knew I looked an idiot at Nice airport, temperatures in the low 80’s, with jeans, leather jacket, scarf, thermos flask and emergency rations, but I was returning to England, and I needed to be well prepared. I know its supposed to be summer over there, but I also know UK weather forecasters; “the chance of a blustery shower” will mean, as I predicted, wind and rain.

The day had started well, I found my Rayban Aviator sun glasses which bear a remarkable resemblance to those once owned by Tony “I invented the internet” Coombs at the weekend.  I know he will claim they are his, but they were discovered in a flower bed, I mean I bought mine last week. If they are his, I imagine he must have been looking down with his flies open for some reason. Should they turn out to be his, then I am concerned that they may have been damaged on their trip into the flowerbed, so I have decided not to tell him, then to test them thoroughly throughout the summer and return them to him (perhaps) in November if I am satisfied they are still operating correctly. There is of course no reason to pack them for my short trip back to the England, the testing will have to wait until I am back where the sun shines.

I did however capture where they were found in a photograph. Amazingly it looks like a great likeness to the great inventor himself! At least I hear that Tony was this  colour on Monday morning, the day after.

Tony I invented the internet" Coombs with Aviators. I would get that nose looked at Tony if I were you, looks more like a giant bluebottle.

A little hiatus at Nice Airport, it seems that as I was sweating like a rapist, the authorities wanted to examine my galoshes in detail, but as they say, all’s well that ends well, but whoever said it was not subject to an enforced trip into the cold and wet. As soon as we arrived and managed to get the Gatwick Express, we met a charming young lady adorned in Hunters (Wellington boots). She was on her way to an outdoor festival appearance by Kings Of Leon, so a wise choice of footwear for England in June.

The next part of the wonderful English adventure amply illustrated why I moved to France. Nice airport, the second busiest in France, seldom if ever has queues at passport control, but Gatwick? Try best part of 2000 people trying to get through the five posts open. 30 minutes of my time was spent queuing. At current rates that means that I lost over £200, at my hourly rate for Currencies Direct, at least that’s what I would like it to be, but it often has one or sometimes even two zeros missing. Then the delight of the Gatwick Express, where I was charged £27 for a half hours “express” which may have approached 50 miles an hour a couple of times. The toilet was out or order, and it was dirtier than Banjo’s bottom, an absolute disgrace, I just cannot understand why so many of my readers still choose to live there. There was some solace though, Google maps on my blackberry was able to pinpoint Fullers pubs, purveyors of London Pride, and I discovered at oasis of calm just off Kensington High Street, the Clydesdale, a wonderful pub where I calmed my frazzled nerves with a pint before my college duty. With duty finished, a couple more pints than to a Thai restaurant where that nice lady decorator stocked up on as much coriander and chilli as possible to ensure that she could not sleep. This of course means that I am also denied sleep, it being one of those unwritten laws that I’d she cannot sleep, nobody sleeps. Home today though.

Chris France

8 Comments leave one →
  1. Julie permalink
    June 23, 2011 8:15 am

    Did it ever occur to you that people like standing in queues being ripped off, organising a bbq to have it rained off last minute, working for less money than they had five years ago? It keeps one grounded and also makes one realise that death is not such an awful proposition if you have already lived in hell the prospect of the alternative doesn’t seem such a bad thing. Enjoy…


  2. June 23, 2011 9:06 am

    If Tony dropped those aviators the way you described, I hope you washed them thoroughly before putting them on!


    • June 23, 2011 9:57 am

      Good point, well made. I will have them professionally cleaned before returning them (if they are his). Should be ready by November


  3. June 23, 2011 9:07 am

    P.S. Get your irises (irisii?) scanned and jump the passport queue!


  4. Rev. Jeff permalink
    June 23, 2011 11:21 am

    I think it’s having teenagers that makes the thought of death a far more cheering prospect !


  5. Michael Preston permalink
    June 23, 2011 11:35 am

    “Nice airport, the second busiest in France, seldom if ever has queues at passport control, but Gatwick? ”

    Inbound passport control at Nice is usually excellent, but outbound to non-Schengen destinations is often a disgrace, with unacceptably long queuing times.


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