Mancunian Merlot?

I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed. At first I was afraid…….then I was petrified. I have to thank Peter Lynn for that little gem, in fact loads of jokes have been pouring in recently, especially those with Bin Laden as the subject,  and now it seems the death of Sevriano Ballesteros is the subject of that black humour so beloved by the Brits? I have already noted a couple of comments on this column yesterday.

Last night into Valbonne to place more posters for Le Tour De Finance. These are best placed strategically in places where ex pats tend to congregate, so La Kavanou was an obvious starting point. However, when asking the proprietor Karin for a favour, it would not have been either just or fair, not to have in turn, sent some business here way, so the costs of drinks taken there will be on my expense claim for Currencies Direct. Earlier I had the same kind of dealings with Cafe Latin, Cafe Des Arcades and The English Book Centre, (although we failed to get a drink there).

My picture today is of a rhino.  Not any ordinary rhino, this one was being lifted in a hoist in Portfino and was more concrete than alive. Please don’t ask me the relevance of this photo, or what the rhino was doing there, or why it was being lifted. Just accept that it is what it is, a stupid picture. You can imagine that when I was deciding which picture to use today, I was on the horns of a dilemma. Yes, I am thick-skinned as well, and short-sighted, there are loads of jokes here, for instance when you have a sinus problem in France you can get something called rhino court, so, and I know you are expecting this, perhaps the rhino had caught a cold? It seems such an uplifting picture to me. OK, I have finished and am ready to move on now.

No, I don't understand either

Today will be a big day for a big man. Peachy Butterfield, fresh from the frozen wastes of Cheshire has descended on the cote d’Azur to celebrate his entrance into his 6th decade this very day.

So there is a big day is ahead of many of us. I love to try different wines, and with Peachy Butterfields stated preference to quantity to quality, I am wondering what we can look forward to? I am not sure the Champagne region extends into the Wirral, so perhaps we will be treated to the delights of Stockport sparkling wine? I imagine that if you mix raw alcohol with some lemonade you may get something a little more champagne like and a tad more palatable. The red wine? I expect to see a tanker of a cheeky little Mancunian Merlot pulled up on the quay before we board the boat. White wine is a little harder to predict, but maybe Merseyside has an answer to Mersault? Maybe, but somehow I doubt it.

It seems that breakfast aboard the boat in Antibes will be followed by lunch after rowing around to Juan Les Pins, then an afternoon spent between the Isles Des Lerins just off Cannes. If that was not enough, dinner will then be served on the boat. I do hope he has laid in a enough tripe to feed everyone. That this peculiarly northern English style event is taking place at the same time and in close proximity to the  Cannes Film Festival is especially incongruous. Perhaps the idea is to try to spot some northern theatrical big names; the Chuckle Brothers perhaps, or Little and Large? If it is then perhaps Peachy may have more success in Morecombe?

Chris France