Pope pontificates

What does the word pontificate mean? Is it something to do with the pope thinking about what to do? We discovered, by way of a gondoliers who was driving the gondola upon which we spent an hour exploring Venice,that the Pope had decIded to coincIde his first visit to Venice with my first visit.

Did the Pope consider the fact that I was in Venice for the first time? I know he wanted to meet me, which was the only reason he decided to visit. He called me in he morning but I didn’t take the call, but I got a message; fancy a couple of beers at lunch time? As it turned out, I did, but not with him, the narrow-minded old catholic that he is.
What terrible timing. I considered the beer offer (he said he was busy a bit later having to go to a bit of a do in St Marks Square) but as I did not have high hopes of converting him to the religion of hedonism of which I am a serious aficionado, that’s the reason I did not take his call, and laid low. I told that nice lady decorator that he would never convince me or convert me, and much as this will disappoint the Reverend Jeff, she accepted that.

After the quintessential gondola ride, where that nice lady decorator, resplendent in blue and white hoops herself was twice mistaken for a gondolier, we went to St Marks Square, but were subject to such serious security measures because of some Pontiff’s visit that we headed off to Hotel Monaco on the Grand Canal, for what turned out to be a big, big lunch. For some reason of higher mathematics, that I will never understand, lunch was down to us, well me, and the figure 7 appeared at the front of the bill. It was a very, very good lunch and at that price it needed to be.

Yes, it was a good lunch, much enlivened by prosechio, pino grigio, barolo and grappe, which of course had to be further supplemented by a few beers and prosechio on the way back to our hotel. I am certain of nothing except…no I am not even sure I am certain of that.
My picture today is from the lovely city of Venice and features that nice lady decorator in our very pretty gondola, she is the one sitting down, not standing on the quay in case you are confused.

a couple of gondoliers

The gondola ride was exciting for some and worrying for others. Many will know that I am not a good sailor and that I do not swim, and so the prospect of a trip in a flimsy and tiny boat, with a driver standing up, and a big stick the only means of propulsion across a busy and wide canal with what looked like a three metre sea running, filled me with alarm. There was the very real possibility that I might fill up the gondola with my breakfast. However, with steely determination, and eyes fixed on the horizon at all times, the tempest was tamed with only queasiness to show for it.

Last night, we trotted off to a local tratoria for more food, which could not be justified for any reason except greed, following the totally excessive lunch earlier. It is bizarre how hungry one can become so soon after a gargantuan meal. I was so hungry, I would have ordered pigs trotters from the tratoroia had they been on the menu. The fact that they were not was a surprise to me, what else might one expect of a tratoria?. At the very least I expected was to have seen a del-boy or a Rodney Trotter look-alike behind the bar.

Today we shall go to see where Murano glass is made. When the suggestion was made to visit the island of the same name, I volunteered to stay behind and guard our things in case the hotel began to sink, but my offer was rather pointedly spurned. It is a well-known fact that Venice is sinking and one cannot be too careful. It appears that Murano “is an interesting place and I will be entertained by a visit there.” This is of course palpable nonsense, but my only outlet for a truly objective opinion is in this column. Any attempt to enter into a reasonable debate about the degree of interest I personally have in glass blowing was a complete non starter for me, and our friends Morten and Ziggy are far too aware of that nice lady decorators excitable nature to consider any other option than enthusiastic agreement to her suggestion.

There is however a modicum of hope; the Pope. It is just possible his itinerary will preclude the visit, and not even the nice lady decorator will be able to change that.

Finally, I was wondering how to get the almost daily plug in for Currencies Direct, but decided I could not find a way today, maybe tomorrow.

Chris France