Mayday, and a small foot in it

I was asked yesterday  why women often have smaller feet than men? so I did some research and it seems that it is one of those evolutionary quirks that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink. I thought that was a nice piece of controversial information to start off the week.

A splendid stagger around The Valmasque in the warm sunshine  began to loosen up my seized joints, locked in mortal combat after playing a proper cricket match yesterday for the first time since last summer and only the second time in 7 years. I was Viagra stiff last night after all my exertions, but unfortunately not in the way that nice lady decorator may have hoped (to avoid). My picture today was taken at the Cabris cricket ground as the teams turned up to survey the pitch and break open the beers on Saturday.

Cabris cricket club, a look at the pitch

Yesterday, Mayday, is a special day in France. Known as labour day, it is actually a contradiction in terms as work is forbidden, and although the supermarkets were all shut there was still a good deal of commerce going on around Valbonne Square due to the antiques market that is staged on the first Sunday of each month. We took a stroll down to do some mild square bashing with a  couple of beers and a pizza where we meet Jude O’ Sullivan, clutching a much smaller bag than is usual. She is a little off, describing me as “mean” after my last piece mentioning her and her love of Bailey’s in this column, and I suspect that she has a larger bag, full of that essential (to her) afternoon tipple lurking somewhere near her table. I suggest to her and that nice lady decorator that a man knows when a woman is going to say something clever or interesting because it starts with “a man once told me..”. This was after that nice lady decorator went on to tell me about the French Mayday tradition of selling Muguet, lily of the valley, in bunches from stalls set up everywhere on Mayday only. Do you know what? she was right!

Thereafter it was back to the web to chew over the weeks events, but as that nice lady decorator was intent on providing me with untold and un-needed details about some wedding or other that she had attended, I glazed over and decided to test the hammock to its full extent. I am glad to be able to report that it came through rigourous testing with flying colours.

From today, three days of temperance must be observed as we are in training for a big weekend in Venice next weekend with our dear Norwegian gay friends Morten and Ziggy, otherwise known as Bang and Olufsen, a name thrust upon them by my old pal Paul North, award-winning fridge magnet salesman and former butcher. It will be, as usual, a full on drinking and smoking affair, the boys both being big cigar fans, so I must stock up the car with enough  Montechristo No 2’s to last a weekend, 3 boxes should do it.

I have learned an interesting fact this weekend; Did you know that scientists have found a food that diminishes a woman’s sex drive by 90%?  It’s called a Wedding Cake. I suggested this concept after a few glasses of wine to that nice lady decorator, but she had a complete sense of humour failure. I shall never understand women.

I have just realised that there is as yet no plug for Currencies Direct, and, not wishing to disappoint my Persian friend Josef and Phil, who have both in the past mentioned this unfortunate oversight, herewith the website where you can save up to 3% on foreign exchange transfers.

Chris France