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No wool over our eyes

April 4, 2011

I had missed sheep loving Steve Weston, organiser in the absence of Dave The Fade, of the Landlubbers golfing group at Opio Valbonne, aka Chateau Begude in lovely warm spring sunshine. For some months, Steve’s previously self-confessed love of sheep had remained either as a suppressed desire, or perhaps one to which he had not given voice, but yesterday it all came flooding out. “I like sheep, but that love could be misinterpreted”.

I heard him say it in the bar afterwards, as did the assembled coterie of golfers, but as soon as I asked if I could quote him, the atmosphere changed. Have you ever seen a sheep caught in your headlights? It was if he had suddenly realised that what he had said might be quoted in this column, as if he had seen the horsemen (or sheepsman?) of the apocalypse hove into view. I hesitate to use such an animalistic metaphor, but I think the main thrust of meaning is clear. The impending certainty that he was about to become metaphorical road kill was clear to see in his eyes.

It must have been so galling for him. Not once since before Christmas had he uttered anything that encouraged discussion of this rather sinister obsession escaped his lips, determined it seems to allow the effluxion of time to drown memory, but he should not worry, I know with the utmost certainty that his “secret” will be safe within my readership which is limited to the just the five major continents. For old times sake, my picture today is Steve’s favourite sheep, a picture he sent me himself in an unguarded moment.

Hello Dolly?

A couple of notable absences of regular attendees to these golfing events were duly noted, but I will fight anyone who suggests that the excessively well endowed Maria and the brooding and magisterial Dave “Tripe” Goddard’s absence was in any way connected.  However it seems that I may have to fight every member of our golfing fraternity to be able to defend the obviously innocent and entirely co-incidental absence of them both for Sundays match.

This week I must prepare for the Antibes Yacht Show, starting on Thursday and sponsored by Blue Water Yachting, where I shall mingling with the great and good and where I will no doubt encounter a number lost souls still using their banks to transfer foreign currency, and where I shall be using my full range of missionary skills to rescue them from their from their ignorance.

Until Thursday then, I am determined that strong drink will not pass my lips, well, in daylight hours anyway, and not for pleasure in any event, however I cannot rule out some last-minute impromptu business gathering in which case I may be forced to succumb.

Tickets have been purchased by that nice lady decorator to see sixties icon Marianne Faithful at the Palais Des Festivals in Cannes on 12th April. These were secured without reference to me, or to my diary commitments, but when I questioned whether I would be able to attend, I was reminded that I have no executive responsibility for social occasions, and furthermore I had been warned previously of this clear protocol. Obviously, the cost had been applied to my credit card as is customary, but as usual this not an item for discussion. The fact that old pal and self-proclaimed pop star John Otway (who still holds the record for the longest gap between appearances on Top Of The Pops – 24 years) had planned to jet in to see me for important guidance on his career direction, or that a tentative arrangement had been to link up with a well-known stand up comedian who will also be in Valbonne on the same night was, in her mind at least, of no consequence.

My weekly blog for angloinfo has been published, and is now one of their most successful columns you can read the latest issue here.

Chris France

2 Comments leave one →
  1. April 4, 2011 10:44 am

    Honestly, Chris, if you are going to continually refer to (some) women as well-endowed, then I think you need to give equal time to men. I’d like to see some of the guys refered to as well-endowed, then you’ll have them queueing (sp???) up to appear in your blog.

    Like

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