Hoover, male or female?

I have been thinking more about whether items in the English language should follow the French language and identify everyday objects as either male or female. The French apply a gender for most things, the feminine for a table, la table or masculine le chien for a dog, even if its a bitch. My favorite is the masculine prefix for vagina, yes, its le vagina!

A Hoover would obviously be female, making a lot of noise whilst cleaning up, whilst a light bulb is obviously male, especially the screw in variety.  A plug socket would clearly be female and a plug male. I am undecided about rowing machine, it could be either, the mindless exertion involved exhausts and brings you out in a sweat, or constant attention makes you feel good. I am not saying which definition should be which gender, I think if I am feeling brave enough I will ask that nice lady decorator.

Male or female?

The apple pie that was yesterday stolen from a visitors motor cycle panier by the barmy beligerent beastly Banjo, the catastrophic canine cocker spaniel, has turned up a nastily reconstituted semi liquid form no more than a metre from my hammock. The deal was that if I allowed this doggy disaster into our household, any unfortunate deposits would be removed by that nice lady decorator, however I made the twin mistakes of not insisting on a time frame for the removal, and trusting her at her word. Thus one of my strategising areas is currently out of use awaiting her attention.

Day 4 of the second Ashes Cricket Test Match has come to an end with a Australia hanging on and praying for rain so I shall not be able to return to French time and be awake during the day and sleep at night, which is the exact opposite of where I have been for the last 12 days for another day. One nil up after 2 games in a 5 match series would feel really good, especially as England as the holder of the trophy will only relinquish it if Australia win the series. Whilst I am resigned to the fact that Melbourne at Christmas for the 4th Test will not be possible, I have not yet given up hope of getting to Sydney for the last test on 3rd January, indeed I looked at flights yesterday and have introduced the prospect to that nice lady decorator and the optimist in me believes that it was not dismissed out of hand, but that was probably because I did not wait to hear her response.

I have long thought that there is a market potential for golf tours in the area. Some research has shown that there is not much on offer, so I have a meeting today to plan such an offering golfing holidays to those poor unfortunates in England who are suffering with the weather, and now that sterling has partially recovered against the Euro, I feel the time is right to offer such an opportunity

Chris France

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