Rising from The Ashes

The Australian medical profession has been asked to accept some government sponsored changes, but the ear specialists wouldn’t hear of it. And talking of not listening, that nice lady decorator who flew back from England yesterday asked why I had packed.

By the time today’s droolings from this column are born, I estimate I shall be en route from Singapore to Sydney and as long as one of my British Airways pilot mates has done his duty I should be sipping champagne in Business Class at the very least.

Our steward will be no doubt called Bruce, as are all Australians unless they are called Sheila, and actually not all Sheilas are female. Going to Australia gives me a chance to drag out all the old Aussie jokes, many of whom are still playing for the National team. I jest of course, whilst form dictates that we should win, personally I would be delighted to draw the series as they are at home and there is no bigger incentive for an Australian than to piss on English chips, especially after the rugby thrashing the Australians received at the hands of the old enemy ten days ago.

I am of course referring to cricket, and I don’t mean the grass hopping kind. The Ashes is one of the great world sporting occasions, and in two days time it will start and unless Mr Bin Laden or some of his swarthy friends have a surprise in hand or something else untoward happens, I shall be there in Brisbane, home of XXXX lager to witness it.

It is said that the only culture you get in Australia is found on top of a mouldy yogurt, (the old ones are often the best ones!) But in my experience that is not true, the Australians get very haughty about their supposed lack of culture and history, so there is culture, perhaps it is best described as haughty culture?.

Singapore airport is a fantastic place, with an indoor tropical garden adorning the passenger terminal,and Brisbane must almost be sub tropical as well, so I have packed very little other than shorts and cigars.
Once in Brisbane I will immediately seek out the venue for Barmy Army choir practice. The Barmy Army is the name given to travelling English cricket fans during the long dark days when England was being regularly thrashed by Australia, and frankly, by almost every other cricket paying country, and summed up what most people thought about the unrealistic  hopes of their traveling supporters that England might actually win a game.

A typical foot soldier from the Barmy Army

It was a typically British institution, wallowing in and enjoying defeat, and although now the Army often degenerates into mindless chanting, there are some good lyrics which have been sung by the Barmy Army over classic tunes with insulting references to convicts and the like.

It is these that I need to rehearse before the game, and usually choir practice, to which any Englishman is invited, takes place in a pub garden and can attract thousands of singers, well, drinkers who think they can sing anyway.

Of course the exchange rate from £ to aussie dollar has collapsed from nearly 3 to 1  to the pound down to 1.6 to the pound, so it will not be as cheap as it might once have been, but I will try to make the best of it.

Chris France

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