Anally challenged cocker to get come uppance?

I stayed at the airport and waited for the plane to leave, just to make sure. A small 4 hour delay was, I am certain, deliberately stage-managed by that nice lady decorator just to spite me.

So an eerie quiet prevailed over our household and I was under no pressure to go out anywhere for anything, bliss.

The hunting season has started with collections of motley French pastis-infused gun-toting peasants exercising their perceived right to shoot at all and sundry, whilst aiming predominantly at the sangrier, the local wild boar.

A number of deaths are recorded each year through hunting in France, some even of wild boar, but pets and also a few human deaths.  Hunting is viewed as a traditional local lifestyle pastime. At least they seem to have abandoned their habit of shooting songbirds, although if they were to Shoot Lady Gaga the world would be a better place.

It is the done thing to buy and fit bells, a little like cow bells to the collars of ones pets if planning to walk in the forests. This is clearly designed to attract hunters.  Obviously I have had one fitted to that nice lady decorator, but she won’t be needing it for a week or so, however, we also have two dogs, Max the faithful and obedient English Springer, and a rabid deceitful pedigree mongrel half wit and disobedient thief of an animal called Banjo, with whom I have a life long misunderstanding.

Max of course must have a bell fitted, but the vet only had one, – well I was only prepared to buy one of the many he had, as all the others were in my opinion unsuitable for purpose, so what is a man to do? Well, in my opinion, only one thing. The obedient senior dog who has consistently shown restraint in his ablutions anywhere near my hammock strategising area must have the full protection from the hunters that a bell affords, whilst the junior and fatally anally challenged dog must take his chances, which could be reduced considerably if I were able to paint a target on him as I would like.

Furthermore, it is merely coincidence that during the hunting season I feel compelled to go much deeper into the forest whenever walking, to keep up my fitness levels, so as they say in France ce sera sera.

Deeper into the forest tomorrow....

The next social engagement I am required to attend takes place at Les Ambassdeurs Hotel in Juan Les Pins tonight where I a guest at a dinner and “spectacle” courtesy of HSBC Antibes. They are so in awe of the benefits of the services of Currencies Direct that they now recommend their customers use their services when moving forex.

Amongst the great and good who will be there are my personal daring style and fashion guru Neil Humphreys and his gorgeous TV presenter wife, Helen. I have been seeking dress code guidance from him for some time now, but admit that the style statement he has suggested I make, may be a step too far for a crusty old git in his late 50’s. They say only a real man can wear pink, but thankfully I am now too old to worry about being perceived as a real man.

Chris France

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