Norfolk tundra in the drizzle, coming soon

I have belatedly discovered that I have stupidly accepted an invitation to play golf in Norfolk this weekend. Not that I had any choice in the matter, the invitation was accepted for me by that nice last decorator without prior consultation. The reason for our trip is to celebrate a 50th birthday black tie event for fellow Castelnou holiday home owners Charley and Lizzy Baylay, well Lizzy anyway.

Castelnou is a beautiful perched village in Rousillion in the foothills of the Pyrenees which was our escape from the evil summer weather in England before we decided we had seen enough and moved to France permanently, whereupon it was sold.  The last time I went to Norfolk was to take a photo for the album cover of one of our UK rap artists M C Duke. Because the whole rap thing was and still is so USA orientated we thought it would be funny to go quintessentially English….

M C Duke in attired by Daks English gentleman's outfitters

I had assumed the event might be at Balmoral or something similar, and have set out my kilt with all its accoutrements before discovering that the event is to be staged in the wilds of Norfolk, and I am to be surrounded by Broads, Norfolk Broads that is, whilst wearing a skirt.

What other type of Broads are there you may ask. In any event the invitation to the dinner and the golf was accepted by that nice lady decorator without me being consulted as is the norm. I am not saying I am not looking forward to it, but if one has toothache, I suppose one looks forward to a visit to the dentist to ease the pain. Taking this rather ridiculous analogy further, then English beer will be my mouthwash.

This is a bit disingenuous. I am looking forward to seeing my old friends, and drinking some proper beer, I think Adnams Southwold would be the most local brew I know, but as aficionados of this column will know, it is the weather that I shall not be enjoying.

When I moved to France over 6 years ago, I threw away my golfing wet weather gear, considering that with 320 sunny days on average each year then I would refuse to play if it was raining.  The forecast for Saturday where we are going is for 8 degrees and drizzle. So, instead of playing golf at the weekend in shorts in 23 degrees on the very agreeable slopes of St Donat which would have been my choice should I have been allowed such a thing, I shall instead by playing on rain-soaked tundra with temperatures barely above freezing with the easterly wind whipping across the Broads.

The only solace which I have been thinking about as I lay out my thermal underwear, woolly hat, heated gloves and hip flask, is the joy of taking £10 from Charles who hates losing as much as I do.

Today, a late afternoon meeting in Cannes, signing up another lucky affiliate for Currencies Direct, will allow an opportunity to enjoy a sun downer on the beach in the sunshine, and to contemplate the full horror of the weekend weather that awaits me.

As we are leaving on Friday afternoon, I may just have time to pop into Cafe Latin on Friday morning for “church” so Neil Humphreys, no gay gear, right? It’s for your own good.

Chris France

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