Evil Cocker to get arse smacked with banjo

September 19, 2010

tags: Cannes 10km run, Correctional collar, Cote D Azur, Currencies Direct, Food & wine, fr2day, Living In France, Moving To France, Radish Events, Red Radish, Vignale tennis

The evil cocker spaniel Banjo all 38 kilos of him has finally gone too far. Some cocker – I told that nice lady decorator they had sold her a pup, but I didn’t know he was going to be that big a pup in both senses of the word – It was her who foisted this appalling animal upon us in one of her most disastrous decisions but he may at last be getting his come uppence. Regular readers will know that Banjo is seemingly only able to defecate within 2 metres of my hammock, despite having a walk of an hour at least, will steal cheese boards from high places, rip the bin to shreds, bark at lawnmowers and generally make my life and many other lives a misery.

An early morning walk with Banjo, trying to hold on to last nights dinner so he can deposit by my hammock

He has developed a habit of chasing after the very few cars going past our drive way, but the night before last he surpassed himself, actually biting the leg of the pizza delivery man as he tried to speed away on his motor bike. What was good is that his despicable act (the pizza man will probably refuse to deliver here again) is that it was witnessed by our friends and as such, his behaviour could not be allowed to go unpunished as it is when only I or another family member witnesses his other disgraceful faux pas. I am afraid that I seized that moment to suggest publicly that we get him a correctional collar, and that suggestion was accepted in front of witnesses. I have already begun to search the internet for one that I hope can stun him like a tazer if he does anything naughty. I would of course need my own separate control and would lay in a full set of high power batteries as I suspect it will be in constant use, by me at least. I can’t wait, and am happy to pay the full cost, oh boy this is going to be payback time! I am going to find the most powerful one available. What goes around comes around. Instant Karma!

And so to the Vignale tennis club barbecue, part of the reward for trouncing our first opponents on the very first tennis tournament that the moustached old gits have ever played in. We arrived at the appointed time, but it was deadly, so we adjourned to the Auberge St Donat for a couple of Leffe’s to get us warmed up. Returning later to a typical half-cooked Vignale offering which was so enthralling that we were the last to be hustled out at just before 10.30. This forced us to open a bottle on the terrace and search for Jupiter which apparently is visible in the sky from this area at present.

Last night we received an invitation to a 10 km run in Cannes, however my soft top is loaned out for the weekend and I was not sure a 10 km run in the camper was such a good idea, then came the bombshell, it meant actually running! Lucy from red radish is a regular runner and is taking part in some event this morning. This necessitated what I call the “shrapnel” defence. This involves a tall story about how I cannot run because an old piece of shrapnel in my leg, an old war wound, moves about if I run too far, so we will go and cheer her on, and perhaps partake of a celebratory glass of wine with her and Wayne from FR2day

Chris France

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