Jokes a bit wooden?

I am happy to report that I have a hangover. After a couple of days of semi-enforced abstinence, I feel re invigorated by my headache and bleary eyes, I know that today’s column will be a great improvement. They say that artists need to experience something that emotionally or physically moves them in order to be able to write or sing about it, and, as I have the worst voice in Christendom, I will have to write. 

I can hear the wingco groaning. Having occasionally read what I have written I think he would prefer anything, even me singing, as an alternative to having to read this blog, which he once memorably described as “ghastly”. A few beers in the pav early doors whilst the sun went down set me on the way, then a nice 2005 Bordeaux was opened, well, opened by me, which thankfully I did not have to share with that nice lady decorator as she prefers white wine, but most of which was dealt with in customary fashion (Northy, it means most of it was drunk). 

I have the delights of visiting the tip to empty my trailer.  My son believes that the trailer is only half full which I guess one could describe as optimism? as my picture shows. 

My son believes this is half full. Does that make him an optimist or a pessimist?

My old friend Pash is back from the far east where he drives a big private jet for some middle eastern billionaire.  He tells me that he is worried about jet lag having flown for nearly 45 minutes last month.  I tell him to be careful about the dangers of DVT. (no Northy, that’s an insect spray). 

The wingco has some logs he wants to move, so we have been exchanging emails with all the wood jokes (even although he claims not to have my email address).  I think mine this morning was the best, it read “Wood that I had your email address, as it goes against the grain that you do knot. My young sapling and I will arrive late morning to “deal” with the logs. If we are a little late, please don’t pine.  Actually, I don’t want too many, I would be sycamore.  Teak care” . I am awaiting a suitable response. I do hope it is an animated response, and not too wooden. 

Plans for the weekend look like changing with the weather forecast, from a trip to Castellane in favour of a barbecue at the Vignale tennis club, scene of the mustachioed old gits recent triumph in their tennis tournament, well, round 1 anyway, and a beach day on Sunday, UK readers please note, I have seen your weather forecast on Sky, so any claims to be lying on sun loungers sipping cold cocktails will be treated with the contempt they deserve. 

Finally, I must warn of a scam at Macdonald’s in Mouans Sartoux, where pretty young girls solicit lifts and suggest favours, then they steal your wallet. So far I have had mine stolen on Saturday, Monday, twice on Tuesday, and twice yesterday, so please take care. 

Chris France       

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