Shepherds Spy Shock

I hear from Regs golfer Dave Goddard, himself from up north, about some sheepish goings on. Unfortunately the comment started with “nar lad” and as I don’t speak Yorkshire I don’t have any idea what he is on about. I asked him if he could translate but I think he thought I was referring to transsexual behaviour so I backed away.

He tells me however that the MI6 chappie whose body was found in a bag in London last month was named Brian Shepherd, a fact that will alert sheep fanciers all over Cannes called Steve Weston. Apparently there is no truth in the rumour that he was stabbed and put in a hot bath first, because if that has been the case the police may have treated it as a boil in the bag Shepherd Spy.

Tonight, we had half a plan to visit Cannes for the Riviera Comedy Club event at Morrison Irish Bar, but in the event jet lag took over and that nice lady decorator decided that we did not want to go. If you were to assume that I was not consulted, you would be right. My picture today is non controversial, taken this morning on a walk through the Valmasque

The River Brague between Valbonne and Biot

Cannes boat show commences on Wednesday and given my new journalistic credentials I shall be required to attend, and may be forced to visit one of the beach restaurants to ensure standards have not dropped
during the summer whilst I have been away. Yesterday afternoon was spent assiduously testing the loungers and hammock to ensure they were all functioning correctly after the busy rental season.  You will be glad to know that so far I have not discovered any defects, but there are several loungers which have not yet received the benefit of my rigorous testing procedure.

My (very) old dear friend Peter Lynn comments that my diatribe against religion in this column recently was though provoking, and he is of course correct.  What disturbs me is the thought that in the 4 months since I started this column, it is the first time I have been described as though provoking. Of course I have always tried to be  provocative, that is what I have discovered I can do.  So to continue the theme of provocation, here are another couple of thoughts; Could a Rastafarian proctologist be called a Pokemon? and if so, if he was adopting the formal dignified bearing adopted by proctologists, would that be known as Rectitude?

When there is a disaster around the world, the bad taste jokes are not far behind, but until recently I had only seen one about the Pakistan  disaster, but several reached me recently, and the only one I can print is “what do you call a Pakistani with a boat? Answer; Mustafa Dinghy.  Some of the Pakistan cricketers must be wishing they had stayed in Pakistan despite the problems that continue over there….

So far I have no takers for my proposed group trip to Brisbane in November to see the first Ashes test between England and Australia.  The wingco is determined not to come unless its to Sydney and Melbourne, but that nice lady decorator will not countenance that, so at the moment it looks like I am going on a  Johnny no mates trip to Auz. Please, somebody, tell me you want to go.

Chris France      

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