Balanced diet; a glass in each hand?
As if inspired by my recollection of his “amore” in Sundays issue of this column, Gerald Gomis, that hot-blooded Lothario latino rugby player sent me a message last night about his children’s vaccinations. Clearly he will claim that he made another mistake by sending that message to me, but I am old enough to identify a cry from the heart when I hear it. My response, that he should redirect this request to his wife, was met with a quiet stoicism. He knew it would be featured in this column and nothing could be done to salvage his reputation.
A walk into Antibes to prepare for three days of abstinence and to remove the last vestiges of alcohol from Monday lunch was rewarded by glowering skies and then spots of rain, so I retired back to Valbonne to consider the next moves in my exercise regime. Apparently operating the handle on my recliner does not constitute proper exercise, nor can it be mistaken as the use of an exercise machine. This picture taken this morning, and will show, if I have it right, the clouds gathering over the southern Alps and dumping yet more snow on Isola 2000 and the other Mercantour resorts.
Across the bay towards Villeneuve Loubet with the Southern Alps beyond, getting a big dump of snow by the looks of it
That’s the thing about growing old, the body slows down, the weight collects and bits start dropping off or need extra attention. I am prepared to accept that age is starting to affect me, I imagine the 100 metres now may take me a little more than the 12 seconds I imagined I could do when I was at school, but that nice lady decorator seems to defy the effects of age. She claims that she is not in her forties but £39.95 (about 47 Euros at today’s exchange rate plus packaging and handling, and I know to my own cost that there is a considerably skill required in the handling.
To fight weight gain, which is not admitted, in fact the only evidence to the undermine my belief that I am the same sylph like figure I have always been, are the bathroom scales, which are clearly an unreliable witness, and one that I am out to discredit. One of the downsides of being under suspicion in this respect is that my diet is being closely monitored during the “dry” periods (of temperance). I have stated that I believe a balanced diet is best illustrated by having a glass of wine in each hand, but I am afraid to report that this belief is not shared by the rest of my family,including that nice lady decorator in times of “drought”. Why is it that drought rhymes with gout?
It seems as if the might of my writing may be required again shortly by Bluewater yachting, who as a result of their search engine optimisation work, based mostly on the 80 or so articles I wrote for then in the autumn has been so successful that they have retained their position in the google rankings. They seem to have fallen for my reasoning that unless they continued with new original content then slippage may well occur, and so I expect shortly to receive my brief. Brief what you may ask…
On Thursday, I shall be at The English Book Centre in Valbonne to collect my free children’s book in aid of World Book Day. That nice lady decorator has suggested that I read some more children’s books to ensure that my own publication, when it is unveiled, reaches the same high standards as other books written by children, at least I think that is what she said..
Palm Pilot? code for masturbation?
England cricketer Steven Davies has come out of the closet and declared that he is gay, but has been the subject of some unfortunate phrases in the Daily Telegraph. Statements like “the team are 100% behind me”, and the coach offering to “ring round” the team could perhaps have been phrased differently, although then it would perhaps have been robbed of the humour that perhaps only I divine from these comments.
And talking of dodgy sexual statements, a prime example of this particular animal came to light yesterday. At a lunch at the Bastide St Matthieu yesterday to celebrate the birthday (again) of Lisa Thornton Allan, it was revealed by the miscreant herself, one of the wives in our midst, whose name I cannot reveal, but of whom I am certain the wingco may have carnal knowledge, allowed her “amour” to get the better of her. The event in question took place some 2 years ago at the Cannes Film Festival whilst she was attending a launch of a film with Brad Pitt and Matt Damon.
Standing on a balcony 20 yards away from this exalted group, our anonymous heroin shouted “I love you George” sufficiently loudly for him to respond with a wink and a thumbs up. If my opinion is to be respected, and the feelings expressed were heterosexual, and here I must emphasise for any UK libel lawyers reading that this a personal opinion in no way supported by any fact currently in the public domain, then it may be that the miscreant had misdirected her adulation.
The fact that this paragraph follows a piece about the “coming out” of an English cricketer is pure coincidence and can in no way be connected with the previous paragraph. Personally I am indebted to George for using “Itchycoo Park” in his recent film “Men Who Stare At Goats”, mainly because I retain a small interest in that song.
Discussion at lunch turned to a recent TV programme dedicated to out takes from films and TV shows. It seems that Brian Blessed, renowned Shakespearian actor, when screwing up a film link about a Palm Pilot, which is reputedly some kind of hand held device, as a prize on a TV programme, got flustered and when asked to try to retake the link was heard to say “and why am I promoting a machine for masturbation?” although perhaps he put this a little more graphically in her own vernacular.
In my new-found position as the ears and arbiter of gossip in Valbonne, I have discovered that one of our number has a description of a cement mixer down as a mig mig moo. How quaint? It seems that this reflects the sound it makes in operation. Were I the wingco having been “outed” in such a manner, I would be slightly sheepish, but as he refuses point-blank to find the latest Valbonne news by reading this comment, he will have to remain ignorant of his outing..
That nice lady decorator is always accusing me of looking down on Banjo, and here is a classic example
My picture today is one I have stored from our walk last week along the coast at Theoule Sur Mer.
Currencies Direct tour de finance starts on Tuesday and it is only fair that any difficulties and problems are ironed out before it arrives on the cote d’Azur in May. I need it to be functioning at full capacity before it arrives here in the garden of France, which is slightly different from the garden of the Frances.
Finally, I would just like to point out that there has not be a single plug today for Currencies Direct….until now, damn.
Korean meatballs?
9 30pm was about the right time to leave after the rugby on Saturday evening, so why was it that nice lady decorator rolled home at 2am? Most sensible people were readying themselves to head home at that time, myself included, but I was persuaded to stay for a nightcap and finally escaped, alone, at midnight.
There is some pathological dread within that nice lady decorators brain that she may miss something, some gossip, a joke, anything if she leaves while people are still standing. She cannot leave until the end, or after the end, when there is no more socialising to do. She often waits for the host to put on their pyjamas and start yawning before she will cast around for any bottle with anything left in it and suggest one for the road. The fact that an enormous amount of wine had been drunk, sufficient for no recollection of almost any detail of the many and various deep and animated conversations that had been conducted, is of no consequence, this time or actually, on any previous occasion.
Subsequently, she was not in the best shape yesterday morning, requiring her sunglasses for a trip out to Lac St Cassian, despite the palpable lack of sunshine on offer, as my picture taken from the lake yesterday below shows.
Lac St Cassien in the Var, from a bar on a cloudy day
Thus, the whole weekend was an utter blow out, and normal people would be looking forward to a quiet period of recovery. I count myself as normal, contrary to some reports, but discovered last night that there is a luncheon appointment in the diary for today, so not the quiet the ideal start to a quiet week.
My new Mr Angry blog for Anglo info to promote the services of Currencies Direct under the name Happy Mondays is published again this morning. I am feeling very much as though my complaining persona is becoming an easy mantle to adopt, especially on a Monday, and especially after a weekend of this nature.
So last night we (that means she) settled down to watch yet another crime mystery on the TV. For once, there did not appear to have been a Murder in the village of Midsommer , perhaps all the inhabitants of that very unfortunate village are now all dead? and with Hercule Poirot obviously away on half term holiday, the sky control settled on yet another murder mystery. That nice lady decorator ventured the opinion that had she been more attentive at school, she would have perhaps been able to enjoy a career in criminology. I knew, the moment my mouth opened, that I was in trouble. My response, that perhaps shoplifting might have been a good career choice, because, after all, it would have given her a good insight into the mind of a criminal, was met with the suggestion that if I carried on with that line of discussion that I may myself become the subject of a murder investigation.
Apparently, I am renowned for getting away with murder myself (a comment made by at least one of my more literary minded friends) in the writing of this column on two fronts; firstly because that nice lady decorator declines to read my daily missive, enabling me to explore themes beneath a cloak of invisibility, to her in any case, and secondly because of the content. I don’t quite understand the second point unless it has something to do with the impending demise of the cocked up cocker spaniel, Banjo. Lin Wolff from the English Book Centre in Valbonne made a very good suggestion yesterday about meatballs, and wanted to include her cat in any Korean culinary exploits I may have in mind. Clearly there is more than one problem animal in the neighbourhood.
Chris France
Funny Shaped Balls?
A large throng of English, and a lone french girl, gathered to watch rugby, a game played by men with funny shaped balls last evening.
The event was the 6 nations clash between England and France. The subject of rugby reminds me that last summer I received several touching heart-felt texts from local large smoldering hot-blooded latin-type former professional rugby player Gerald Gomis, with whom we spent a convivial evening on Friday. He claims he thought he was texting his wife, but no one I know was completely convinced, and I was both flattered and alarmed in equal measure to receive several messages, one of which was a message telling me he loved me.
The gathering took place at the Thornton Allan’s house in their cinema room. Most of us just have large screens in their living rooms, but they have to have a cinema room.
Published author, very pleased with himself for the reviews of his book Half way To Heaven in The Spectator last month, Bill Colegrave it was who originally hatched the idea of a rugby get together, and had invited around 30 people when he suddenly realised that for all the glories of the Bastide St Matthieu, a fabulous boutique hotel, wonderful wedding venue and home to a very famous pop star in April, the only TV facilities he has are a 24 inch screen in his snug, and seating for 4, thus the Thornton Allan’s came to the rescue by offering their cinema room as an alternative venue. I do hope she who cannot be named is not used to watching TV when she is there for a month.
The English listened in deference and silence to an appalling on-screen version of the speeded up Marseillies , before the National Anthem was sung by the assembled multitude and the thrashing of the French began.
Many more girls that normal were taking an interest in the rugby, but not for the match itself. Toby Flood from the English team attracting those females with an eye for a pretty boy and Sebastien Chabal, the caveman lookalike from the French side for those girls amongst us who would seem to prefer a bit of rough. However, a quick look at the assembled manhood on display watching the TV should have been enough rough for anyone. I believe that nice lady decorator leans towards Toby Flood, which to me is unsurprising as he is a clear look-alike for her beloved husband, although in my opinion perhaps a little too in touch with his feminine side for complete comfort.
Much wine and beer was consumed and many stories told and forgotten but One wonderful conversation I recall was with the great grand-daughter of Jenny Churchill and An Iroquois Indian, Camilla, which concerned of her family. One of her ancestors was a Spitfire pilot in the Second World War. He memorably claimed that he had brought down three aircraft during the campaign and been flying all of them.
Last week when walking near Theoule Sur Mer, I took this picture of the mimosa just about to reach its peak. The bright yellow shrub covers the hills from Theoule almost to St Tropez with a carpet of bright yellow at this time of year.
The mimosa trail at Theule Sur Mer
The possibility of a shower was sufficient to deter me from playing golf, so, what to do today? I know, let’s have lunch and drink wine. Not sure where or how yet but I feel in my bones that this is the natural course of action for a Sunday. I also know it is going to cost me money
Wine with gusto?
A poor turnout at Cafe Latin in Valbonne, the subject of my picture today, perhaps implies that some are losing the faith in church on Friday mornings. Or perhaps it is half term and people have gone skiing? Much as I had planned in fact, but reports filtering back of queues and traffic warnings changed our collective mind about going to Greolier Les Neiges today.
Cafe Latin, empty in the morning sunshine
I say collective decision, but as regular readers will know by now, if that nice lady decorator makes a decision, then democratic convention in our house means that no more discussion is required. It is a refreshingly direct form of government, much in the image of Kim I’ll Jong, no prevarication even considered, clear concise control in the hands of one clear minded individual.
I guess the only real difference in Korean government attitudes to the system under which I exist, where certain dogs can do no wrong, however disgusting, disobedient and dishonest their actions, is that dogs do not get away with murder over there, in fact very much the literal opposite, so in one respect when I come to consider the cataclysmic cocker spaniel, Banjo, the Korean system is superior. Canine gonad garnish anyone?
So I could not be sure that our vicar and leader Mr Humphries was free, and was unable to collect any fashion tips for the coming week. Josef, my Persian friend turned up too late even for the collection, and him claiming to be a good catholic. There cannot be too may Iranian catholics…I trust confession will be on his list of appointments for later today after Friday prayers.
Anybody want any free kids books? That might resonate with anyone childish enough to read this daily column which, incidentally will be a year old on 22nd March. Lin Wolff at the English Book Centre in Valbonne is giving away children’s books at the shop next Thursday in aid of World Book Day. Of course she is hoping that you might actually buy some books as well at the same time. I have not selected a venue for the launch of my book yet (provisionally entitled “A year In The Life Of The Idle Rich In Valbonne”), but, as long as she doesn’t decide to give away childish books from authors who live in Valbonne, I think I may have found just the place.
Last night, following the advice from The Daily Telegraph, I forsook my apparently misguided period of alcohol avoidance and after a brief sojourn to The Queens Legs to pick up and consume the minimum daily dose as prescribed by that august publication, we found ourselves at Le Kavanou, the wine bar in Valbonne. We are joined thereby a motley selection of pleasure seekers, Lady Jill, Timbuckto, Gerald Gomis, former professional rugby player and the worst golfer I have even encountered with his delectable wife Pippa, the grand poo bah of France for Currencies Direct and wine was drink with gusto. Gusto is of course a kind of tapas, which tends to give one wind in profusion especially if you are that nice lady decorator.
Then, when stumbling out of the wine bar late in the evening, we made a very important discovery, there is a new Indian restaurant in Valbonne. Lurking in the back street, I am reluctant to reveal its name or location until I have tested it rigorously. Older inhabitants of the village will remember the rather over priced and equally ordinary Indian restaurant located close to Cafe Latin several years ago, it is fervently hoped by this writer, who is particularly partial to this style of cuisine, that this establishment is superior. All that will be required to avoid ever returning to the UK is a proper English pub serving London Pride, and I can die a happy man.
Chris France
Modern Art – a gigantic con trick
The Daily Telegraph ran a report a couple of days ago that said that a beer a day or a glass of wine has a positive health effect over people who were resolute teetotalers. Apparently partaking of one or the other every day can reduce the chances of a heart attack by over 50%. It is something to do with reducing stress, but how that can be when that nice lady decorator is in full flow in a bar, and I know I am picking up the tab at today’s exchange rates defeats me, but as my mum always said, If it’s in the Daily Telegraph it must be true.
So it seems that my 2 days of refusing to drink beer or wine have been counter productive, and in fact as a result of this deliberate alcohol avoidance, I have been twice as likely to suffer a heart attack in the past 2 days. This is a very serious health warning, and one that I shall be taking on board this evening, probably at Le Kavanou in Valbonne, in fact, I think I have some catching up to do in order to protect my health.
Another aspect to avoiding alcohol is that it is supposed to aid weight loss, but two days away from alcohol and I have actually gained a pound in weight, although that may well be due to those bathroom scales with which I have been having such trouble since Christmas. Recalibration (or throwing in the skip), one or the other, is well overdue.
My picture today is another taken on the walk at Theoule Sur Mer earlier in the week. It is of some kind of modern art so beloved by the French, but seems to me to be a very simple piece of concrete which has doubtless been sold to the commune for an obscene amount of money.
Is this a sign for half a six? Cricket fans au fait with a certain umpire will understand this.
The French have a history of loving modern art, which in my opinion is a the biggest confidence trick the art world has suffered in thousands of years. This misconception is not limited to France however, it is probably best illustrated by almost every exhibit in the Tate Modern, or any entrant into the Turner Prize. Almost all are entirely bereft of artistic merit, except in the minds of those that want to believe. It staggers me that exhibits such as “an unmade bed” or “a bag of coal” which are still beloved by art “experts” are not seen for what they really are, a wonderful exercise in fooling some of the people all of the time. How one can compare this type of stuff with, say, a Rembrandt is a perfect illustration of the huge scam that modern art is. Anyway, quite what this “creation” is doing at the end of the beach, right off the beaten track is a mystery. I want to believe that perhaps the artist or sculptor (or owner of a concrete mixer with a sense of mischief?) has created an icon which will unfold into a finger sticking straight up in the air? This for me would constitute a wonderful comment on modern art in general and this piece in particular.
Yesterday morning, back to the Valmasque for the daily grind, with the proper dog, Max and the cocker spaniel now the size of a small bungalow, Banjo. Even our French friends says “il bien mange” which is polite French way of saying your dog is colossally fat and if you don’t cut down on his food, he may not be long for this world….now there’s a thought.
Finally I am contacted by wakeupinfrance.com a holiday rentals company. Once I have suggested that their name should in fact be wakeupwithfrance.com, I receive no response….
Chris France
Syphilis pills cause drop off in wine intake
The best laid plans failed to pan out as I had intended. After the epic lunch on Tuesday, when that nice lady decorator retired hurt early, I had manfully tried to keep the party going for our guests (who were all happy to thrash my wine store to within an inch of its life, with the noble exception of Bill Colegrave who has currently eschewed alcohol on the basis that “the syphilis pills have not yet done their job”. This is in quotation marks in order to emphasise that it was an actual quote). I had planned to lay out for a day of quiet contemplation, whilst remaining mostly in a horizontal position. Any suggestion that this was in fact “sleeping it off” was to have been met with a ferocious response from my lawyers, Messrs Killan Eat.
However, as I intimated above, that nice lady decorator awoke early after her early night, and with sun beaming into the bedroom, I was forced to attempt a vertical position (if you will pardon the expression), and taken for a walk. As you may imagine this was as popular with me as walking the plank, but after some discussion and argument, she made a unilateral decision, and the metaphorical plank hove into view. In fact one of the views is shown below.
Theole Sur Mer yesterday
That nice lady decorator decided that she wanted not to walk in the same area, so I was bundled into the car along with one nice and one nasty dog, heading for I knew not where. Eventually I was awoken and turfed out of the car, made to stand erect (so to speak) and marched down a very long steep path to the sea. This part of the walk was rather nice, and the terrain around Theole Sur Mer, where I later discovered I had been taken was rather red (like my eyes).
Beautiful coves, the reddest sandstone, the Mediterranean lapping at the shore, I had just reached a level state of feeling one again at one with the world, and was beginning to shake off the manacles of yesterday when suddenly I realised that it was intended that we walk all the way back up the path we had descended some 30 minutes before. My cry of “taxi” was dismissed with that normal non-discussable stare with which I am often confronted, and the yomp up the mountain commenced.
I think it is fair to say that idea of a drink last evening has never been so low on my list of priorities and so a quiet night in at last. At present no more social activity is scheduled until tomorrow when we shall either go skiing at Greoliere Les Neiges if the weather is good or go to church in Valbonne at Cafe Latin to make sure that Mr (Neil) Humphries is free (he usually is, having wisely avoided what is known by most of us as “getting a job”) and what he is wearing for the spring season. My guess is that violet or purple will feature somewhere.
Of course with the 6 nations rugby this week including a enthralling battle between England and France, doubtless I shall be with some like-minded fellows at 6pm on Saturday to hear the singing of the Marseilles, before watching England trample all over the French hopes for rugby glory in glorious high definition. If for any reason this goes wrong then I shall feel compelled to go over Menton on Sunday and sit at the grave of the founder of the game of rugby, William Webb Ellis who is buried there overlooking the sea.
Half term lunch debacle
A quiet lunch resulted in the last stragglers finally vacating villa Exotica at around 9pm last night. Our house is now known as Villa Exotica because a new name was required for the English post office redirection service, where one cannot give the same forwarding address for more than 2 years, thus the new name for our humble abode was required with some 30 seconds warning at la poste (the French post office). Villa Exotica seemed to a good call at short notice. I am very happy to field comments on that choice on the section below for any comments my esteemed readers may wish to impart.
When the last reveller was finally ejected, a sense of peace returned to the villa, and apart from the detritus of the lunch remaining on the table, the broken glasses, the cigar smoke and some nasty stains on the sofa, there was hardly a sign that a ridiculous mid week lunch had taken place.
The fact that it was quiet was due in part for 2 reasons; the first is that the nice lady decorators second ipod froze (which subsequently involved me in rescuing said I pod from being physically ejected into our neighbours garden at high-speed) and the second reason was that she was clearly tired and emotional after spending a week in the frigid wastes of the north of England and fell asleep at some stage in the afternoon and retired to bed long before many of the guests had decided that lunch was over. If she is asleep, it is a fact that she cannot be heard. So be default, it was quieter.
Max the proper dog test the vertigo tablets to the limit
My picture is another taken during our walk around the Cap d’Antibes at the weekend, and frankly I will need a walk of similar magnitude this morning in order to regain my normal good humour. How can six people drink 6 bottles of a rather good St Estephe Cru Bourgeois, several bottles of champagne, a bottle of rose, 2 magnums of an Italian quaffing wine and a bottle of Montbazillac pudding wine on a Tuesday lunch time? Admittedly, children being away on holiday encouraged a party atmosphere, but the party was theirs (the children’s rather than the patents), however several parents decided to hijack that party atmosphere and I think that was part of the problem. Actually it was worse than it seems because at least one of our congregation was on the wagon, in a desperate and almost certainly doomed attempt to reform his rotund shape.
So what of today? It may well transpire that I spend much of today in bed, or at least laying flat, in order to focus on my business life. Obviously I could sit in my kennel office and diligently continue with my work for valued music clients and Currencies Direct, continuing to save people from the grabbing nature of their banks when it comes to forex transfers, but today I feel will be better spent in forward planning, and in my humble opinion, this is best achieved in an almost cathartic state which some may mistake as sleep, but is really intensive thinking in a quiet and undisturbed environment. This has on occasions been mistaken for sleep, but please do not be fooled, and so back to bed.
And so, dear readers, a full update on the rest of the weeks activities will be outlined tomorrow. Save to say that we simply must make use of the vintage conditions currently on offer at the ski resorts of the Southern Alps, and Friday looks like a good day to have a look.
Jolly japes with public schoolboys
I believe it was errant Irishman John O Sullivan’s grandfather who was found in his prison cell hanging from his legs. The prison warder told him that he was doing in wrongly, the rope needed to be around his neck, but granddad said he tried that but he couldn’t breathe.
The menu de marche lunch at Lou Fassum was up to its usual high standard and was enlivened by Bill Colegrave, the master of the split infinitive, and the wingco who regaled us with public schoolboy humour which I did not understand. What for instance is a pedagogical idea?
They were both attired in salmon pink items, as my picture below, taken on the terrace at this Michelin star restaurant.
Bill Colegrave and the wingco on the terrace at Lou Fassum for lunch yesterday. The wingco continuing his quest for anonymity but the reason he is also known as 118 118 (senior) or one half of the mustachioed Old Gits is clear.
It seems to me, that both are very much in touch with their feminine sides, or perhaps they were both just damaged by the Victorian style school experiences of being roasted over the fire by the prefects etc.
The menu de marche at 25 euros is a bargain. No choice, but amuse buche, starter, main course, desert and a glass of wine for 25 euros (about £20 at today’s exchange rates) with lunch taken whilst enjoying views across the hinterland of Cannes down to the sea at Mandelieu in the spring sunshine is my idea of heaven.
The wingco was also in full flow, before he had to leave for another appointment, very bad show in my opinion, and as if that was not enough, he even took a phone call over lunch. If repeated in the future this may well elicit a brown envelope from the secretary.
Today, that nice lady decorator will be showing off her culinary skills by cooking a huge leg of pork which are sometimes available for Super U at Plascassier. It weighs something in the region of 10 kilos and can be purchased for as little as 15 Euros. Cooking something of this size seems a slightly strange thing to do, so I must conclude that we may have visitors this evening. Obviously I have not had my orders handed down in triplicate yet, but much as the men in the trenches, certain signs were there if you care to interpret them, that indicate the time is nearing to “go over the top”. Frankly, after the weekend and yesterday, I think we have already gone over the top.
Signs such as the fridge newly stocked with rose, Chablis and Sancerre, and several magnums of St Estephe grand Cru tell their own story. It could just be that she is stocking up for the rest of the month, but I cannot shake the trench feeling.
The Riviera Woman have published my brilliantly argued and well researched missive exploding the myth of multitasking, and as a result I expect to hear from many of my female followers thanking me for setting them straight and rescuing them from the false belief that they can adopt this action. Men were always uneasy about the practice, not really believing it was a valid use of time, but in deference to out female brethren were unwilling to argue, until now.
If a social occasion does occur today, then I will be begging that nice lady decorator for the rest of the week off, so pickled is my liver. However, the prospect of sneaking a day skiing later this week has taken an upward lurch due to a sunny weather forecast for later in the week.
To properly split an infinitive
Despite my pleadings to the contrary, that nice lady decorator, not wanting to tempt fate with the hunters engaged in a cull of the Sangrier in the Valmasque, switched our morning constitutional to a walk around Cap d’Antibes. Thus the money I had pledged to several “Chausseurs” to pick off that black and white travesty of a dog, Banjo, on their pig hunt was wasted.
Personally I had Banjo, the cataclysmic cocker, in my sights but sadly when I squeezed the trigger, all that happened was I took this photograph.
A small cove on Cap d'Antibes and I don't mean the nice lady decorator
A dinner engagement on Saturday evening with a chap rather alarmingly known as Peaches was sufficiently successful for me to fall asleep over a lemoncello digestive, but I was not the first to be over come by a bout of extreme tiredness. I cannot reveal who else lapsed into a state of blissful repose, but that nice lady decorator has no right to be so bright-eyed on the morning after.
Thus the need for a walk yesterday morning was very pressing, but when that failed to work, that most wonderful restoratives, a Bloody Mary was a last resort. We found just such an animal in a bustling bar in Antibes close to the lively Sunday market.
Now I find that particular antidote to be very effective, and suddenly the idea of an all day breakfast at the Hop Pole in Antibes, which pre restorative application, would have been unthinkable, became very alluring. It is only afterwards, when one considers the range, quality and number of restaurants available in Antibes, one realises what a crap idea that was.
Today, however we shall make amends by having lunch at the Michelin star Lou Fassum with Oxbridge don Bill “split infinitive” Colegrave, his dusky and beautiful wife Soraya, the wingco and his equally attractive other half. Bill told me that when he was a teenager, he managed to get a letter published in The Times. He knew that his father always read the letters page, so waited for some reaction. His father, having read everything, turned to Bill and said “there is a split infinitive in a letter to The Times today”.
Recently, Bill was mortified to have a council house oik discover that he had inadvertently carried on with the grammatical tradition in his book Halfway House To Heaven about discovering the source of The Oxus River in Afghanistan. To rub, or as Bill might say “to properly rub” salt into the wound, the same council house oik then beat him at chess, twice, but most notably with a variation of fools mate. Modesty forbids me to reveal the identity of said oik, but I believe he is responsible for a very successful blog in Valbonne.
Already the fruits of the learning curve achieved at the Riviera Business Club’s social media networking event last week can be seen, with the many links to this page now displayed on the right hand column, and ,if it works, a rather fetching pictorial link to the glories of Currencies Direct. Although this is probably a little early, May 19th will see Le Tour De Finance hit Mougins, at Le Paradise Des Oiseaux giving ex pats the chance to sort out all and any financial issues in one go. Free entrance and some wine and cheese will be offered to help ex pats deal with financial issues at apero time. The tour then moves on to Nice on 24th May.
Korean Kurry anyone?
That nice lady decorator cadged a lift back from the airport on Friday with renowned Irish cigar stealer John O Sullivan and voluptuous wife Jude. That was the good news. The bad news is that they were invited into the pav for a beer in the afternoon sunshine, but teenage sons and fridges full of beer are apparently mutually incompatible, thus when I opened the door of the beer fridge it was empty. Never mind, I thought, I have some chablis in the wine fridge, but similarly, what I had not taken into account is that having chablis in the fridge is incompatible with having a teenage daughter. Once again, empty. But for my store of red wine, which thankfully neither of them are partial to, my reputation as a host would have been damaged forever.
But the worst news was that I had to open some very agreeable St Emillion Grand Cru 2004 to thank my friends for their taxi services. Why is that bad news I hear you ask? the answer is because one bottle is never enough when the O Sullivan’s are in attendance, indeed consumption of biblical proportions (morning Reverend Jeff) is to be expected. Suffice to say that the bottle recycling area will need some attention and my Grand Cru stock now lies in tatters.
I receive some comments on Facebook relating to Banjo and Korea from persian Josef, relating to a dog’s life in Korea (short!). Although my Korean is a bit rusty, (I should not have left him out in the rain) I believe these comments included a suggestion as to how best to cook a canine, and the conversation on Facebook continued in a Korean dialect in which we were both less than fluent. Translating from, and to, Korean threw up some interesting interpretations; when I translated the Korean for “I would like my dog well done” it seems that literally the translation came out as “Banjo should be thoroughly curried in hot oil and garnished with larks tongues with egg noodles and a sunflower”. As if aware of the forces massing against him, my picture today shows him trying to soften his image a little.
A cynical attempt by Banjo to curry (sic) favour by wearing the salad garnish
Friday night to an excellent buffet dinner in Opio, courtesy of the 3 Sturges, masterfully catered partly by Bridie Roberts, where I discovered that there was to be a wild boar cull in the Valmasque yesterday, with the forest where we customarily walk, closed for much of the day. I dreamed that Banjo, the colossal cocker, having missed out on his normal walk, might take himself off into the forest to play with the hunters, but sadly this did not come to pass.
Today I was to have played golf with the Landlubbers, at Opio Valbonne but with the chance of a shower mooted and lunch beckoning, I found that the nice lady decorator had already arranged an earlier engagement and cried off.
The invitation to lunch at Lou Fassum on Monday with master of the split infinitive, Bill Colegrave, and the wingco and respective spouses, was accepted with alacrity by that nice lady decorator. I, on the other hand, as you would expect, was slightly less enthusiastic until I could find a business reason to attend, and then I had it, Bill Colegrave is a new Currencies Direct client. Bingo! (good news as opposed to Banjo which is bad news)
Chris France
Buying a house in France, moving money? http://www.currenciesdirect.net/chrisfrance
Latest local news? http://www.fr2day.com/
Best Estate Agency in Valbonne? http://www.riviera-home-finders.com
Best French Riviera Property Agent?
http://www.afa-international.com/
http://frenchriviera-properties.com/
Rent my house in summer? http://www.holiday-rentals.co.uk/p412514
Rent a private villa in Provence? http://www.cotedazurvillarentals.com
Best on line resource in Valbonne? http://www.valbonneonline.com/
Secret supper club http://www.red-radish.com/
Wedding reception? http://www.bastidestmathieu.com/
Valbonne Tourist Office http://www.tourisme-valbonne.com
Top quality interior designer? http://www.marineguigue.com/
John Otway’s New Book? http://www.johnotway.com
Modular portable exhibition system? http://www.creative-village.co.uk/web_ads/bigger_picture.html
Living France, Le Blog http://livinginfrance.mon-coach-langues.com
Best Estate Agent in Mandelieu? http://www.chrisma.com
Ceramic Cafe in Biot? http://www.latassedecouleur.com
Rent a villa in Cote D’Azur? http://www.myperfectvilla.com
Find A House in Cote d’Azur? http://www.frenchrivierapropertysearch.com
Monthly Riviera News? http://www.rivieratimes.com
Local ex pat information resource? http://www.angloinfo.com
Yacht owner? http://www.yachtownersdirect.com/
Website design? http://www.targetcms.com
Free advertising on line? http://www.thebusinesscardclub.com
Want to hire a big bike for a day? http://www.columbus-international.com
Motorbike tax service? http://www.mototaxi-sophia.fr
Best English book centre in Valbonne? http://www.englishbookcentre.com
Great French resource? http://www.survivefrance.com
Ginger Tosser syndrome strikes
In the continuing history of my ability to put my foot in my mouth, I managed a particularly good insertion at the Riviera Business Club networking event at the Hotel Mercury in Sophia Antipolis on Thursday evening.
I had been introduced to seductively beautiful and renowned flame haired cote d’Azur temptress, caterer Kate Adams, of Adams and Adams fame, and was unaccountably reminded of a Cornish beer I came across on my damp trip to the UK last summer. The beer in question is called Ginger Tosser. That was bad enough, but when I heard my voice say “your hair reminds me of drinking a Cornish beer last year…..”, before it trailed off in the sudden realisation that my foot had been fully inserted into my mouth, as I would have to reveal the name of said beverage and what the connection was. Having half heartedly stuttered through an explanation of how it reminded me of a couple of people with ginger hair, my embarrassment was complete. She was however very sweet about my faux pas and laughed (at me or with me?) but my face was roughly the same colour of her hair…
Very well attended, probably too well, with the assembled throng all trying to crowd around the various experts to learn about social networks and how to incorporate these modern viral marketing techniques into our business efforts, I did learn three things; an RSS feed, is a Really Simple Syndication, viral reach is not something that happens when you have drunk too much and does not need to be treated by a doctor, and Angloinfo’s Mike Hardacre (with a k) has networking Crocs (he only ever wears crocs – see blogs passim) as my picture today reveals. I could have shown a picture of the whole of him, but that would have meant revealing the Brock the Badger haircut that he is currently sporting, and having already exhibited some of my social skills on Kate Adams, I thought a discreet veil should be drawn here.
Mike Hardacre's (with a k) networking crocs
For a moment I was quite happy, no, more than happy, I was delirious with happiness. We had gone on a long walk with the dogs when suddenly, it appeared we had lost Banjo. Oh well I said, never mind, now we can get a proper dog. Sadly, it was clear that the nice lady decorator was of a different opinion, i.e. that he should be found. “Why can’t we put an advert in the paper? I asked “What would it say”? she asked, “here boy” I suggested? The look told me everything I needed to know, and had clearly forgotten, obviously Banjo does not speak English.
So as you will have gathered, that nice lady decorator has returned, bring blue skies with her, and with the irritating off spring who have shouldered all cooking duties this week in return for payment, all going away for a week from today to winter camp, there is a very real prospect of receiving proper sustenance at home in the coming week, rather than the likes of chicken nugget curry with which I was threatened by my son a few days ago.
Chris France
Buying a house in France, moving money? http://www.currenciesdirect.net/chrisfrance
Latest local news? http://www.fr2day.com/
Best Estate Agency in Valbonne? http://www.riviera-home-finders.com
Best French Riviera Property Agent?
http://www.afa-international.com/
http://frenchriviera-properties.com/
Rent my house in summer? http://www.holiday-rentals.co.uk/p412514
Rent a private villa in Provence? http://www.cotedazurvillarentals.com
Best on line resource in Valbonne? http://www.valbonneonline.com/
Secret supper club http://www.red-radish.com/
Wedding reception? http://www.bastidestmathieu.com/
Valbonne Tourist Office http://www.tourisme-valbonne.com
Top quality interior designer? http://www.marineguigue.com/
John Otway’s New Book? http://www.johnotway.com
Modular portable exhibition system? http://www.creative-village.co.uk/web_ads/bigger_picture.html
Living France, Le Blog http://livinginfrance.mon-coach-langues.com
Best Estate Agent in Mandelieu? http://www.chrisma.com
Ceramic Cafe in Biot? http://www.latassedecouleur.com
Rent a villa in Cote D’Azur? http://www.myperfectvilla.com
Find A House in Cote d’Azur? http://www.frenchrivierapropertysearch.com
Monthly Riviera News? http://www.rivieratimes.com
Local ex pat information resource? http://www.angloinfo.com
Yacht owner? http://www.yachtownersdirect.com/
Website design? http://www.targetcms.com
Free advertising on line? http://www.thebusinesscardclub.com
Want to hire a big bike for a day? http://www.columbus-international.com
Motorbike tax service? http://www.mototaxi-sophia.fr
Best English book centre in Valbonne? http://www.englishbookcentre.com
Great French resource? http://www.survivefrance.com
Multi tasking is a myth
Multi tasking is a myth. I recently exposed this fact on the Riviera Woman chat room piece I did, and now, clearly understanding that I have a valid point to make, they have invited me to write a piece about this in their forthcoming issue. So open were they, that once again I suspect a trap, but life is for living, (well until one of their hit men – or hit girls?) decide it is all too much for them. Perhaps I should not have touched on the differing abilities of male and female drivers, maybe that was a bit too close to the truth for comfort, but I am pleased with the piece and as soon as it is published, assuming no last-minute back sliding by the editorial team, I will publish the link.
Last night I was being socially networked for Currencies Direct at the Riviera Business Club event, and very enlightening it was as well. Conversation over nibbles and aperitif turned to the literary achievements of our day,and understandably from my viewpoint, eventually the subject turned to my literary contribution made to the world by this blog. That nice lady decorator, who is a deep thinker when it comes to my literal achievements, has opined in the past that can’t be bothered to read it “because it’s a pile of shite”. It is nice to have the support of one’s family in a venture into pastures new, don’t you think? However she is still in a semi frozen state (or should I say the semi frozen state) in Yorkshire until tomorrow, so last night was my last night of peace before the siren is once more engaged and throttled up to full volume.
The wingco is back from a long trip to the UK. I asked him if he enjoyed being back in the land of the living, but it appears that part of the reason for his visit to the UK was to say good-bye to an old friend who was about to pass away. I think I got away with it, but then I am not much of a deep thinker.
Greoliere Les Neiges after recent snowfall
After the big dump of snow over the past few days, and in the full knowledge that the mountains will be a nightmare for the next two weeks due to the extended half term holidays, I may just take the afternoon off and head up to Greoliere Les Neiges this afternoon once the trouble and strife is back from the airport for what may be the last ski of the season.
Finally, one of my friends has a very rental one bedroom flat for sale, totally renovated in the heart of Antibes, 2 mins the sea, 1 minute the market and pubs….Let me know if anyone is interested?
Chris France
Buying a house in France, moving money? http://www.currenciesdirect.net/chrisfrance
Latest local news? http://www.fr2day.com/
Best Estate Agency in Valbonne? http://www.riviera-home-finders.com
Best French Riviera Property Agent?
http://www.afa-international.com/
http://frenchriviera-properties.com/
Rent my house in summer? http://www.holiday-rentals.co.uk/p412514
Rent a private villa in Provence? http://www.cotedazurvillarentals.com
Best on line resource in Valbonne? http://www.valbonneonline.com/
Secret supper club http://www.red-radish.com/
Wedding reception? http://www.bastidestmathieu.com/
Valbonne Tourist Office http://www.tourisme-valbonne.com
Top quality interior designer? http://www.marineguigue.com/
John Otway’s New Book? http://www.johnotway.com
Modular portable exhibition system? http://www.creative-village.co.uk/web_ads/bigger_picture.html
Living France, Le Blog http://livinginfrance.mon-coach-langues.com
Best Estate Agent in Mandelieu? http://www.chrisma.com
Ceramic Cafe in Biot? http://www.latassedecouleur.com
Rent a villa in Cote D’Azur? http://www.myperfectvilla.com
Find A House in Cote d’Azur? http://www.frenchrivierapropertysearch.com
Monthly Riviera News? http://www.rivieratimes.com
Local ex pat information resource? http://www.angloinfo.com
Yacht owner? http://www.yachtownersdirect.com/
Website design? http://www.targetcms.com
Free advertising on line? http://www.thebusinesscardclub.com
Want to hire a big bike for a day? http://www.columbus-international.com
Motorbike tax service? http://www.mototaxi-sophia.fr
Best English book centre in Valbonne? http://www.englishbookcentre.com
Great French resource? http://www.survivefrance.com
Glut or gut?
Since my run in with the bathroom scales after Christmas, not yet resolved as the recalibration has clearly been a failure, I have been forced to consider, but not accept, that I may have put on a bit of weight. This may (although it is not admitted) be something to do with my Liquid Grain Storage Facility. In earlier days this may have been referred to as a beer gut, but when Europe had a beef mountain or a wine lake it was described a glut, which has almost the same spelling as a gut, hence, if it exists, which is not admitted, my newly extended storage facility may be called a beer glut, at least until I can get those bathroom scales to see sense. Now as I have been explaining to that nice lady decorator, some years there is famine, some years there is a feast, or glut. This just possibly (although it is not admitted) may be my feast phase.
Of course, my regular rigorous exercise programme of walking to the pub in the Valmasque Forest (disturbed today by inclement weather, which is at least dumping major new snow on the ski resorts just in time for half term) will continue and here is a picture of part of yesterdays walk down The Brague.
The river Brague near Valbonne. Banjo, the cocked up cocker is on the left, the proper dog, English springer, Max, on the right
Banjo, that comparatively new but cataclysmic interloper into our family unit has absolutely no idea how to behave or how to thank me for letting him stay in my household. He amused himself yesterday by breaking into my bedroom when I was out and kindly emptying the waste paper basket all over the floor. However, that nice lady decorator claimed that we was trying to help by emptying the basket into the dustbin and then got disturbed while he was trying to do a good deed, personally I would prefer him good and dead to deed. She could put a positive glow on terrorism.
In revenge, I had a meeting this morning out of the house and left him outside in the rain to get my own back, and stop him from offering any more of his “help” around the house but irritatingly he seemed to enjoy it. He really is the most infuriating animal I have ever had the misfortune to know. A pet scorpion would give me more pleasure, especially if I could get it to sting to order.
Anyway, enough about that mangy mutt, my afternoon meeting in Nice has been cancelled so I shall be planning my assault on the Riviera Business Club networking event tomorrow in Sophia, where once again I shall be in the missionary position vis-a-vis Currencies Direct. That is to say that I will be ministering to the masses of Sophia Antipolis.
Chris France
Buying a house in France, moving money? http://www.currenciesdirect.net/chrisfrance
Latest local news? http://www.fr2day.com/
Best Estate Agency in Valbonne? http://www.riviera-home-finders.com
Best French Riviera Property Agent?
http://www.afa-international.com/
http://frenchriviera-properties.com/
Rent my house in summer? http://www.holiday-rentals.co.uk/p412514
Rent a private villa in Provence? http://www.cotedazurvillarentals.com
Best on line resource in Valbonne? http://www.valbonneonline.com/
Secret supper club http://www.red-radish.com/
Wedding reception? http://www.bastidestmathieu.com/
Valbonne Tourist Office http://www.tourisme-valbonne.com
Top quality interior designer? http://www.marineguigue.com/
John Otway’s New Book? http://www.johnotway.com
Modular portable exhibition system? http://www.creative-village.co.uk/web_ads/bigger_picture.html
Living France, Le Blog http://livinginfrance.mon-coach-langues.com
Best Estate Agent in Mandelieu? http://www.chrisma.com
Ceramic Cafe in Biot? http://www.latassedecouleur.com
Rent a villa in Cote D’Azur? http://www.myperfectvilla.com
Find A House in Cote d’Azur? http://www.frenchrivierapropertysearch.com
Monthly Riviera News? http://www.rivieratimes.com
Local ex pat information resource? http://www.angloinfo.com
Yacht owner? http://www.yachtownersdirect.com/
Website design? http://www.targetcms.com
Free advertising on line? http://www.thebusinesscardclub.com
Want to hire a big bike for a day? http://www.columbus-international.com
Motorbike tax service? http://www.mototaxi-sophia.fr
Best English book centre in Valbonne? http://www.englishbookcentre.com
Great French resource? http://www.survivefrance.com
Networking for fishermen?
After the waves of yesterdays tsunami of sex have begun to abate, it is time for the tide to me to turn towards the next networking event I shall attend, the Riviera Business Club networking road-show (bit of a nick of Currencies Direct organised Le Tour De Finance Roadshow idea) at the Hotel Mercure in Sophia Antipolis on Thursday evening. I am not a fisherman, but I have always been fascinated as to how the sew all those bits of string together and make it work.
Yes, that’s about as much as I know about social networking. It appears that nearly all social interaction in the not too distant future will be done by computer, now I don’t know about you but I was looking forward to my generation’s equivalent of the Derby & Joan Club, or the British Legion bar and by that I mean a progressive rock festival or barn dance. On second thoughts lets stick with the rock festival. Obviously not like they were when we were young, there would have to be comfy chairs, nice toilet facilities and spaces for wheelchair access and defibrillators every 20 metres, a bit like back stage at Glastonbury is nowadays. All this screen networking is fascinating but are we losing the human touch?.
Anyway, one tries to keep up with these new fangled ways of doing things, but things are changing. By illustration, recently, I was at Greoliere Les Neiges with that nice lady decorator who is still communing with nature in deepest frozen Yorkshire, and came across a couple of nuns sizing up the slopes as my picture today shows. Now what were they doing there? I am impressed by the length of their skis, and suggested they may want to try carvers, but one of them said “fathers what?”
The nuns head towards their skies for a race down another black run
With that nice lady neglecting her duties towards my stomach, I have had to resort to bribing my daughter to cook. it’s a good arrangement, she needs money and I have money. All that has to be negotiated is how much money has to change hands for me to be fed. It is a fine arrangement that will end on Friday when that nice lady decorator will return to reactivate her verbally repetitive style otherwise known as nagging, which I have learned over the years that I clearly deserve.
To Nice this afternoon to commune with the great and good in the old town, well Wayne Brown from FR2day will be there so I will have to zip up my pockets as is customary when money is being discussed. We are meeting about the launch of an exciting new feature on his website on Friday. The man who recently described himself as the 1990’s unofficial mayor of Chigwell has teamed up with Ab Kujyer and together they are going to make FR2day the best website in the area. Can I have my £5 now please Wayne?
Chris France
Buying a house in France, moving money? http://www.currenciesdirect.net/chrisfrance
Latest local news? http://www.fr2day.com/
Best Estate Agency in Valbonne? http://www.riviera-home-finders.com
Best French Riviera Property Agent?
http://www.afa-international.com/
http://frenchriviera-properties.com/
Rent my house in summer? http://www.holiday-rentals.co.uk/p412514
Rent a private villa in Provence? http://www.cotedazurvillarentals.com
Best on line resource in Valbonne? http://www.valbonneonline.com/
Secret supper club http://www.red-radish.com/
Wedding reception? http://www.bastidestmathieu.com/
Valbonne Tourist Office http://www.tourisme-valbonne.com
Top quality interior designer? http://www.marineguigue.com/
John Otway’s New Book? http://www.johnotway.com
Modular portable exhibition system? http://www.creative-village.co.uk/web_ads/bigger_picture.html
Living France, Le Blog http://livinginfrance.mon-coach-langues.com
Best Estate Agent in Mandelieu? http://www.chrisma.com
Ceramic Cafe in Biot? http://www.latassedecouleur.com
Rent a villa in Cote D’Azur? http://www.myperfectvilla.com
Find A House in Cote d’Azur? http://www.frenchrivierapropertysearch.com
Monthly Riviera News? http://www.rivieratimes.com
Local ex pat information resource? http://www.angloinfo.com
Yacht owner? http://www.yachtownersdirect.com/
Website design? http://www.targetcms.com
Free advertising on line? http://www.thebusinesscardclub.com
Want to hire a big bike for a day? http://www.columbus-international.com
Motorbike tax service? http://www.mototaxi-sophia.fr
Best English book centre in Valbonne? http://www.englishbookcentre.com
Great French resource? http://www.survivefrance.com
Chris France's Blog 