Viagra Falls?

Tennis is often a game played by gentleman in an honourable and sporting fashion. The result is not important, it’s is the taking part and the sportsmanship that is important. “No, take it again old chap of you thought it was in” would be the typical response by an opponent to any suggestion that a line call was in doubt. That is if you do not play with, I don’t really know how to say this, “chisellers” such as was the case last evening. And how enjoyable it all was.

The first tennis match of the season, for me, took place at the Vignale Tennis Club at Plascassier last evening. My partner for the evening, Currencies Direct affiliate Dancing Greg Harris from Côte d’Azur Villa Rentals, must be excluded from this charge as he, like I, played and exemplary game in a sportsmanlike fashion. Our opponents however, the Master Mariner Mundell and The Wingco, could not possibly claim such moral high ground.

The game was unfinished due to the Wingco being two Wingco’s late (for the uninitiated a “Wingco” is a unit of time of at least 7 minutes. It is the minimum amount of time he is late for anything) and the club closing at around 8.15pm. An unfinished game of course means that it is an honourable draw. It is true that we eventually lost the first set 7-5 (after incidentally our opponenets moral backbone was drawn into question when they failed to win fully 10 set points), due to my rustiness – it was my first game of tennis since last October – but we were strongly in control in the second set when time ran out.

More dreadful modern art in Valbonne, or is it a depiction of Ron Jeremy? read on…

Over a post match pizza at the Cafe Des Arcades, the game was discussed and the chisellers made the preposterous claim that they had won. Their outlandish claim was based on the fact that, overall they had won one more game than we. This is just not cricket, especially from a couple of public schoolboys who should know better. It is true that I detest losing, and will do my utmost to avoid it, and they were exploiting that fact. My epitaph should read “Magnanimus in victory, surly in defeat”.

Here I should perhaps mention that I am a past master at gamesmanship. This entirely different from sportsmanship. Gamesmanship is the art of applying psychological pressure at the correct moments on your opponents to help to win the game. It can take many forms. It may be something like offering the use of a cap; “is the sun in your eyes old chap?” just to make them think about whether it is or isn’t. It could be a kindly warning about something like “how old is that racket grip?”. I think my favourite use last night was when, on one of their set points, I asked the Master Mariner if we were counting foot faults. Perhaps that helped them to lose all those set points. I did helpfully suggest that he put that out of his mind when serving.

Later, we had a conversation for some inexplicable reason about a porm star of whom I was not aware; Ron Jeremy. Apparently he has been at the top of his game for decades, having been endowed with something enormously special in terms of size in the wedding tackle department, but is now feeling the effects of years of pornographic performances, and has revealed that he has to resort to the use of Viagra to ensure that his enormous tumescence remains it its prime as it were. The reason I mention it is that The Wingco, made an especially erudite comment when the probable quantities of the drug required was discussed. He said it was be like Viagra Falls.

Chris France
@Valbonne_News