Colon Beach?

It was on the way to what we thought was the centre of Los Christianos, which seems to surround the rather over developed Playa Des Americas in Tenerife, that I spotted it. Having already walked through the Playa Colon, which I presume translates as Colon beach, and I have photographic evidence to support that which I publish today, it is an area I felt I could not stomach, and made me wonder if the beach has a blue flag. Anyway, we traipsed on in sunshine but as the wind increased to something akin to a gale, we decided to turn back and find a sheltered beach bar for a beer. The outskirts of Los Christianos are pretty unprepossessing and were not improved by one discovery we came across (can I say this?) the Liberal Swingers Club.

We did not go in because I am not a liberal and I am not allowed to swing. That Nice Lady Decorator has made that clear. Even if she spots a children’s play area, with swings, she gets edgy in case we (that means I) might be tempted to swing one way or another. There was another consideration; what if we were to meet a gay Social Democrat politician at the bar? Anyone remember Cyril Smith? If he had been gay then that would have been something I would certainly never want to behold.

The rather unpleasantly named Colon Beach in Los Christainos

I say what we thought was the centre, but Google maps were clear that we had just scratched the surface, and so we are due to return on Sunday. That Nice Lady Decorator is, as many of you know, a fan of retail therapy. She loves a good market in the way that I love a nice Bordeaux. Both require some time and consideration, but we do not agree on which requires the most. It appears that the Sunday market there is the biggest in Tenerife, so the entirely democratic decision has been made. We are going. She is not only a serious lover of markets. Any form of retail outlet can animate her to a level of ecstasy about which I can only dream, and so it has been decided, in a totally democratic way, which means that a fair and equable vote was taken (but that men in general and me in particular were not afforded a vote) that we will attend the weekly market on Sunday.

This was decided whilst we partook of a cold beer after the three-mile walk in that direction, and were sitting on a high terrace sheltered from the gale and watching the blue sea, beautiful in the sunshine, become increasingly animated as the wind increased. It managed to blow away the bill and the bill holder from the top of the table, but this proved no impediment to paying it. The management saw to that. We had a chance conversation with some Russians sitting nearby, who kindly invited us to join them in a Remy Martin, which I alone accepted. It seems that they were a retired General and a retired Colonel, and had both served in Iraq and Afghanistan, which was our cue to move on.

Today will be spent consolidating the tan and considering the benefits of having a foreign exchange account with Currencies Direct. We are mid way through this break and the reports reaching us of rain and wind back in England have concentrated our minds on extracting as much sunshine from this trip as possible. In fact I can feel a walk to Caletta coming on and maybe some nice tapas for a late lunch

Chris France
@Valbonne_News