Humphries triumph caught on video

Thankfully, Christmas shopping was a reasonably brief affair, at least this time out, due to gloomy weather. That Nice Lady Decorator does not do gloomy, but at least the dank weather took the heat out of the retail therapy urge and replaced it within sullen discontent. I don’t know which I like less, shopping or misery. I think it is shopping.

So just Next, River Island and Jane Norman, whilst I languished outside in the drizzle and, hey presto, we were on out way to Victoria to get the train back to Arundel. We had stayed the night before in order to witness camp pal and Currencies Direct client Neil “I’m free” Humphries deliver a very fine performance at his inaugural stand up comedy show, to a packed and partisan audience at the Laughing Horse at The Mitre in Lancaster Gate. There is a rather poor quality video of most of it which you can see if you click here.

Many had journeyed from far and wide and several had flown in from France specially, so it was also a social occasion. However, I forgot to take any copies of my book, The Valbonne Monologues, in which he features, so a massive sales potential was somehow missed and consequently the number sold remain stubbornly below the 150 mark. Why, I may have been able to flog two or three at least… It contains a memorable picture of him wearing a jacket for which he used one euro coins as buttons, after refusing to pay 4 euros per button for the ones he liked. He had carefully collected coins from each of the euro zone states and had put the Greek and Irish ones at the bottom. Make of that what you will.

I am afraid I had to ask this chap which character he was from James Bond at the recent Bond shindig – Pussy Galore of course! You have to look closely at the adornments to his jacket.

Returning to Sussex, I set out for my daily constitutional around the Norfolk Estate yesterday afternoon, mindful that today is a 5:2 decreed diet day, and that would mean no beer or wine, or, if one was determined to have a drink, then no food. With just 600 calories to play with, and with a pint of proper beer or a decent glass of wine coming it at 170, three and a half of either and you would be over the limit. Now I like a drink, but am also partial to food, so with no drink in the diet plan today, and with the discovery of Timothy Taylor Landlord bitter, the second best beer in the world, being a guest beer on draught at the Red Lion, we felt compelled yesterday to partake of some whilst the opportunity was there, and before a curious dinner of leftover that was actually very tasty.

Baked sweet potato, ordinary jacket potato, Goan chicken soup, spicy Italian sausage with Sussex mustard and a beetroot stir fry. That might sound like the basis of a menu for a week, but that was what That Nice Lady Decorator concocted last evening. I am not complaining, I am just remarking. She has taken to reading this daily missive, mainly to pick up typos she tells me, so I always leave at least one for her to finde. It makes her happy. I am also very careful about what I say about her excellent and inventive culinary skills. I find I get less bruises that way.

And so a calm depression will envelope me today. Work will come to the fore at least until lunchtime, which of course will exist only in name today. Thereafter I shall be too weak to do anything, so will retire early, write a depressed and depressing column and go to bed dreaming of breakfast.

Chris France

@Valbonne_News