The pirate and the kit kats

It was late in the evening when we arrived at The Kings Arms in Arundel on Tuesday night, just after the quiz night questions had been asked. Amongst those competing to try to ensure they did not get the wooden spoon prize of two kit kats, was the sultry goddess Sandra in the company of someone I did not instantly recognise, as he was wearing a suit and not wearing his customary eye patch. After the first glorious first swig of a pint of London Pride, I eventually recognised him and was going to ask one-eyed, Colin The Pirate, how many eyes are in Colin, but that is a bit cheeky as I already knew the answer.

It was quite revealing to discover just how many friends we have made in Arundel, and most of them were in the pub, so we did not actually get home until 11.30. It was about 2am when the torrent arrived. A vicious thunderstorm earlier in the evening gave way to a massive swirling monsoon, which blew the pub gates next door open and blew rubbish all over the street. Welcome back to England, where we shall be languishing for the next 6 months (not 7 as I have been saying and was corrected by a very chirpy Nice Lady Decorator, delighted to be back in the land of eternal rain). In other words we are to be based in this rain-sodden land until the last week of April 2014, by which time, if I make it, I will be firmly inside my 7th decade.

The Sussex countryside, although I don’t know where

I had decided that a stone in weight, which I has somehow accumulated during the summer, has to dealt with. Old friend and plastic surgeon Douglas “Mac The Knife” Mcgeorge once told me that the only way to lose weight is for “less in and more out”. He really is quite technical when he puts his mind to it. I took this to heart yesterday, electing to don my wet weather gear and walk back from the garage in Angmering (during which I took today’s picture) where the skip (That Decorating persons 4 x 4) required some minor attention. I have a wonderful new application on my phone: Ordnance Survey Maps, that can show you where you are when you are lost. It has worked perfectly well in the past, but requires ones phone to be charged in order to operate effectively. Ones phone was not fully charged, and the application ceased to work as soon as I got lost. 4 miles became something more like 7 and a one hour walk became a two-hour marathon. The only silver lining is that giant cocker spaniel (so big he looks like he has been crossed with a Friesian cow), Banjo, was so knackered by the time we got back that he is doubtful for today’s walk, so not all bad then.

It was also a diet day yesterday. 600 calories a day, twice a week is known as the 5:2 diet, so I shall be faced with wishing I was dead two sevenths of each week for the next six months, with notable exceptions in the case of the First Test against Australia in Brisbane ( if I decide to go) and a significant birthday of a northern git in Barbados in March. Otherwise, almost unremitting misery will be my lot, not even brightened up with the prospect of meeting and converting new Currencies Direct clients, as few, if any, potential clients live in England, the theory bring that if they could afford a second home abroad, they would be living there already.

At least lunch has been suggested today, albeit by me, to compensate for the dreadful burden of a diet day, but I guess a too excitable embracing of that concept might defeat the object, thus my hopes are not high .

Chris France
@Valbonne_News