An apology? no, a statement of regret

Master Mariner Mundell telephones to attempt to apologise for the assault on my beard and book which took place at The Auberge St Donat the day before the end of last year and was extensively covered in this column. Seemingly he was distressed by the word my use of the word bullying but how else can you describe being held down by four chaps and having your beard forcibly cut off? I say apologise but later in the evening when I suggested in front of witnesses that he had apologised he back tracked and called it a “statement of regret”. I had to drag the “apology” out of him, in fact I was not certain at first why he had called. Anyway, I told him I accepted his apology and to think no more of it, but of course that is totally disingenuous, I shall be constantly on the look out for an opportunity exact revenge of the most destructive kind.

For only the second time in a month, poor weather returned today and had the effect of postponing the golf until today. Mr Clipboard has organised it and we are to report to St Donat Golf Course for lunch at no later then 12.30, the tee time is 1.58 we shall have completed 9 holes by approximately 3.56 and may have a beer, leaving some 24 minutes for a beer before returning in time to join him for drinks at precisely 5pm. The Wingco, the worst time keeper in history will of course take no apparent notice of the schedule and will no doubt be arriving late comme d’habitude.

He was for instance an hour late for group walk on New Years Day but luckily we had all factored this in when planning when to arrive. The walk was a great success and I managed to take this picture of the old village of Gourdon looking down towards the sea at Cannes. Eat your heart out Mr De Mille.

A view from the hills behind Gourdon down to the sea at Cannes

Today marks the first occasion we will venture out on to the golf course during the festive season. St Donat is the best value golf facility in the area, and has the added advantage of having a fine restaurant on a sunny terrace overlooking a lake with a huge fountain, which reminds me that last night on a short restorative early evening visit to The Queens Legs pub in Valbonne I was faced with another huge fountain, this time of verbal dross emanating from the mouths of Mr Clipboard, the Wingco and Paul Thornton Allan, my opponents today.

The subject was the golf handicap system which I consider is abused by these cowboys whilst I adhere religiously to the spirit of the rules. Again I had to put up with a constantly recurring theme from these three public schoolboys trying to claim the moral high ground whilst actually in the mire. I suggested that I always win against these less talented golfers and they took exception based on the handicap system which is a fad designed to allow them to “compete” with me.

As the argument became more heated, I suggested that today we should abandon the handicap system and play man against man. Of course to no ones surprise this was rejected out of hand which leaves me once again with the spectre of winning but listening to a lot of upper class bleating about how I had lost. Anyway, at least one of them has a large currency transaction to under take (under the auspices of Currencies Direct of course) so in the interests of business I shall probably let them win (in their own minds).

Chris France