Naked politician and the fun police

I don’t know what happened. I strolled into Valbonne to do the customary buying of the Sunday Times, enjoying a rare day off from my duties with Currencies Direct and by the time I returned a party was in prospect. I was sent out to reprovision the house and the bar ready for a small army because in the hour that I was gone, an impromptu barbecue was organised by that nice lady decorator. Peachy Butterfield, The Naked Politician, Josef the fixer, and a whole range of other miscreants then descended on the web two hours later. What would have happened if I had been out for two hours?

Peachy said he was bringing some champagne for the girls, some salad for the girls and some speedos for the girls, so with the latter prospect in mind you will understand why, just as the sun passed the yardarm, alcohol was required, and in quantity. Add the effects of at least a dozen kids and you have the prefect recipe to go out for the afternoon, sadly though, as the host, this was not an option. I am if course jesting, I love a surprise party, and with the weather perfect, the last vestiges of that horrible bug consigned to history, I had some catching up to do in the drinking stakes. No, I wasn’t drinking steaks, I was drinking wine and….no matter.

Two of the guests, Tracy from up north and her impossible good-looking French pilot, Pascale, are so attached to their tiny dog that they brought him with them from Villefranche Sur Mer….on their scooter. He was very cute, and probably very tasty with a bit of Branston pickle, but I doubt you would get more than two mouthfuls.

Of course if we lived in Korea, the evil and massively over sized cocker spaniel Banjo, who excelled himself yesterday nipping one of the children playing in the pool, was treated in the same manner (which frankly he deserves) we would not have required all the burgers, sausages and ribs that were consumed by the gaggle of kids. Banjo burger anyone?

Kids now safe, naked politician is fully clothed

The naked politician lived up to his name briefly being first in the pool before realising that a number of kids were about to swim (as my picture taken somewhat later depicts), and that politically, being naked in a pool with children, may not enhance his stalled political career. He had arrived a little hung over, but the quick dip enlivened him to such an extent that the hand brake had to be applied later by his understandably wary wife. He describes her as the hand brake as she is able with a look and a gesture to slow him significantly in whatever unwise action he is contemplating, or indeed already undertaking. He tells me that the next step up on the restraint scale and  a more significant impediment to his wild antics he described as the “fun police”, which is when his wife has applied the hand brake but it seems to have failed.

Our summer plans, already in tatters as a result of invitations to Lords for the first and second days for the Test Match against India next month, are now further in doubt as we have been invited to a Bastille day (14th July) bash chez Josef the fixer on his mountaintop palace overlooking the sea at Theole sur Mer. I am awaiting a decision as it was our intention to take Bluebell the camper to The Costa Brava at that time. Clearly once I have ben informed of our joint decision, I will inform myself

Chris France