Pigeons in bikinis?

I awoke to the sound of rain and thought I had died and gone to hell or woken up in Yorkshire. Some friends eeking out a living from their pigeons in that wild and untamed outpost, claimed in a message, presumably carried by one of them, that they (the pigeons?) were in bikinis. John Surtees, for that is his name has a rather err..northern view of clothing, you know the sort of thing, the colder it is the less they wear, as evidenced every Saturday night up north, where white stilettos are all the rage. His handsomely endowed wife Rachel wanted it mentioned that she was preparing fish in Dill, with no batter to be seen, but I have no idea where Dill is, and I am so sorry that batter stocks are running so low. I imagine she will want to give me a battering after reading this.

It is true that the first rain of the month has been falling, whilst there seems to have been a short smog inspiring warm period back in the UK, but unless it rains sometime, how can I get any decorating done? It’s all very well being married to that nice lady decorator, but if she does not live up to her name then why keep her? So the rain yesterday was very welcome in that it produced some tangible decorating results and protected my wine stocks, at least until towards evening when we were invited to dinner at Tim Bucktwo’s and Lady Jill.

My picture today was taken at Biot some weeks ago, but it could have been taken in Yorkshire. It was a Knights Templar event, celebrating life as it was in the middle ages and as you can see could have been taken in any Yorkshire outpost yesterday, I am just not certain of the reason he has a chicken under his arm.

That chicken was making a fearful noise

Easter is of course a time for a party, when rising from the dead seems to be a theme for some obscure reason, but I have no idea why I have connected that with Yorkshire.

At dinner Jude O Sullivan, renowned for her prodigious appetite for Baileys, that nasty liqueur, revealed that she was recently in seventh heaven. The duty-free area at Dublin airport had laid on, especially for her, a free tasting of different Baileys varieties. It seems that now one can “enjoy” this cloying vomit inducing nasty sticky after dinner drink in hazelnut, coffee or mint flavours. I say after dinner as the accepted norm for the very few people with such an unsophisticated palette that they can enjoy this foul concoction, is to partake of this egg nog like slime as a digestive after dinner, however regular readers will know that Jude has the ability to imbibe Baileys at any time of day. The problem now is, which flavour to keep as emergency rations in her handbag? A dilemma indeed.

John O Sullivan who was also present revealed that his name is the third most common in Ireland, but seemed surprised by general acceptance of his name being connected with the word common. Of course I may sometimes refer to him as a common thief with his accountant like ability to wriggle out of paying gambling debts, and his uncanny ability to smoke cigars that he has not bought, this time thankfully courtesy of our host Tim Buck-two.

As this is Easter Sunday, I shall avoid the usual advert for Currencies Direct and instead concentrate on more spiritual things. I think cognac will be todays spirit of choice.

Chris France