Balanced diet; a glass in each hand?

As if inspired by my recollection of his “amore” in Sundays issue of this column, Gerald Gomis, that hot-blooded Lothario latino rugby player sent me a message last night about his children’s vaccinations. Clearly he will claim that he made another mistake by sending that message to me, but I am old enough to identify a cry from the heart when I hear it. My response, that he should redirect this request to his wife, was met with a quiet stoicism. He knew it would be featured in this column and nothing could be done to salvage his reputation.

A walk into Antibes to prepare for three days of abstinence and to remove the last vestiges of alcohol from Monday lunch was rewarded by glowering skies and then spots of rain, so I retired back to Valbonne to consider the next moves in my exercise regime. Apparently operating the handle on my recliner does not constitute proper exercise, nor can it be mistaken as the use of an exercise machine. This picture taken this morning, and will show, if I have it right, the clouds gathering over the southern Alps and dumping yet more snow on Isola 2000 and the other Mercantour resorts.

That’s the thing about growing old, the body slows down, the weight collects and bits start dropping off or need extra attention. I am prepared to accept that age is starting to affect me, I imagine the 100 metres now may take me a little more than the 12 seconds I imagined I could do when I was at school, but that nice lady decorator seems to defy the effects of age. She claims that she is not in her forties but £39.95 (about 47 Euros at today’s exchange rate plus packaging and handling, and I know to my own cost that there is a considerably skill required in the handling.

To fight weight gain, which is not admitted, in fact the only evidence to the undermine my belief that I am the same sylph like figure I have always been, are the bathroom scales, which are clearly an unreliable witness, and one that I am out to discredit. One of the downsides of being under suspicion in this respect is that my diet is being closely monitored during the “dry” periods (of temperance). I have stated that I believe a balanced diet is best illustrated by having a glass of wine in each hand, but I am afraid to report that this belief is not shared by the rest of my family,including that nice lady decorator in times of “drought”. Why is it that drought rhymes with gout?

It seems as if the might of my writing may be required again shortly by Bluewater yachting, who as a result of their search engine optimisation work, based mostly on the 80 or so articles I wrote for then in the autumn has been so successful that they have retained their position in the google rankings. They seem to have fallen for my reasoning that unless they continued with new original content then slippage may well occur, and so I expect shortly to receive my brief. Brief what you may ask…

On Thursday, I shall be at The English Book Centre in Valbonne to collect my free children’s book in aid of World Book Day. That nice lady decorator has suggested that I read some more children’s books to ensure that my own publication, when it is unveiled, reaches the same high standards as other books written by children, at least I think that is what she said..