Dog asbo’s to be introduced

Every social occasion that I attend nowadays tends to be enhanced (some say blighted) by my ability to take notes of interest on my blackberry. Many examples of bad behavior or items of interest to everyone except the perpetrator of whatever misdeed I record can be stored very simply in note form on this wonderful device, avoiding the possibility that I will imbibe too freely and forget what it was that I consider might sit comfortably in this column. Indeed, It allows me to imbibe as freely as I like in the full knowledge that said misdeeds will be remembered on the morrow, as long as I am still capable of using it..

I have often been indebted to it for reminding me of events, and I even have reason to believe that certain people, when realising that they have committed some faux pas, that might feature in this illumination of the lives of the idle rich in Valbonne, have been less than impressed the fact that my blackberry can record that moment in time, to be used by me in the annals of this publication.

It is not always the reproachable that can be recorded, and by way of example, one such fact that came to my notice via my notes from Saturday night was that Lady Jill has three degrees. I wonder, when will I see her again?

Parascending from above Gourdon

My picture today was taken yesterday morning when, spurred on by the alarming statistics revealed by the bathroom scales, she who must be obeyed decided that much stiffer exercise was called for. So after much mumbling and research of various randonnee (hiking) books, it was decided by that nice lady decorator that we would walk up the mountain from Gourdon.

The weather, having started bright gradually worsened and it was no surprise to hear on the radio on the way back that December was the coldest and the least sunny in the cote d’Azur since 1950. It was also one of the wettest.

Lunch after this epic trek was taken at the nice little Auberge de Gourdon, where I was served a nice goats cheese salad, but it was sadly truncated (the lunch, not the salad) because the faeces filled cocked up cocker spaniel Banjo cannot be left in the car for more than half an hour without chewing his way out, or breaking the sound barrier with his barking. Euthanasia is a kind release to allow someone to die with dignity, I just wish there was such a thing as doginasia, but there are no dogs in Asia because they eat them all, now that’s an idea, he is so fat he would make a good meal for a family of four for a week. Is there a doggy cook book?

I read in the Sunday Times that the UK government is about to introduce asbo’s for dogs. It will cover breeds from Chihuahuas to pit bulls so that will include crazy cocker spaniels then, and will cover all aspects of the bad behavior exhibited by the canine catastrophe. Barking at postmen, delivery drivers, lawn mowers and hammocks would hopefully be on the list of offences and as a public-spirited citizen I would feel it will be my duty to report him to the police. It seems that there is a god after all.

Chris France

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