Profits of Doom

September 8, 2010

tags: Cote D Azur, Currencies Direct, Living In France, Moving To France, Sunny France

Peter Lynn tells me about his circumspect friend who has just started his own business manufacturing landmines that look like prayer mats. His friend tells him, apparently that prophets are going through the roof. This is the kind of thing my friends send through to me to distract me from my important creation of unique content for an ever-growing body of customers. Here am I, trying to educate the ex-patriot masses into signing up for Currencies Direct, so that I can save them money, but most of the time all I get are jokes, so please guys, please keep them coming.

Talking of jokes, Mr Gurdon fails to see the deliberate humour a few weeks ago in my description of his reaffirming his marriage (vowels as opposed to vows) in Las Vegas by Elvis himself last year. He claimed to have booked a “Love Me Tenderly” package, whereas I suggested that his wife would be better off with the “Return To Sender” package. It was a joke (about letters keep coming back), but was so clearly lost on him that he commented accordingly, suggesting that my spelling was not up to scratch. Mark, you had a good education, do please do try to keep up, I don’t want to have to explain each joke in the column.

Two days have now passed and I have not touched a drink, but this afternoon I thought I saw a sheep in wolves clothing, wearing a tutu and flippers, but I could have been mistaken. However, what you don’t want or need when trying to prove to yourself that you can exist without alcohol, are smart arse kids getting cold beers out of the fridge at 6 30pm, beer o clock, especially with the football looming a bit later and with ones lips so parched, anyway I have done it, two days without a drink, but Cannes for the Boat Show later today will almost certainly prove a teetotal day too far.

One thing that happens to you without alcohol is that you become mind numbingly boring, thus to illustrate that I am using a picture taken from my garden today of a nice tree flower. I have no idea what it is called.

Flowers from a tree, yes I know its boring, I will try to do better

If ever there should be a warning about the dangers of not taking drink, that would be a good start. Historically, the English have always been generally suspicious of people who didn’t drink at all, it seems it goes back to the battle of Hastings when all the soldiers were given mead, a strong alcoholic beverage before battle to gird their loins for the fight as it were.

A sensational electrical storm last night which went on for 3 hours and deposited about 6 inches of rain on my garden has all cleared away and the sunshine is back. That is why we live here, rain is a fleeting concept and sunshine is normal, and September is just about the nicest month to be down here.

Chris France

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