Tortoise Hatchery outrage

August 20, 2010

tags: Cote D Azur, Currencies Direct, Ex Pats Golf, Food & wine, fr2day, Living In France, Moving To France, St Donat Golf Course, Tortoises,

What do you do if you already have 11 tortoises some of which you have owned for over 40 years? Answer, according to that nice lady decorator, is you hatch another 9 eggs, (no, a 10th is hatching as I write) that you have had incubating all summer. As my picture shows, not enough meat for a decent omelette after you get rid of the crusty bit.

Tortoises hatched yesterday, note the little chap on the right, fighting his way out of the pastry parcel

Don’t get me wrong, I like tortoises, they are lovely and crunchy loveable, but I am in danger of running a holiday camp for orphan tortoises here. I should have known when the incubator (which is really good for bring cheese up to the correct eating texture slowly) went missing.

Anyway, a charming evening last night with Pippa and Gerald at their new house in Castelleras with fois gras, castoulet and pastis, a real taste of the south-west, and to pick up a case of wine, my prize for introducing the target number of you lovely people to the glories of Currencies Direct, and the savings you can make, click on the link for details and an application form!

One story that came out last night was another misdemeanour of the evil springer Banjo, the dog regular readers will know was introduced into our household despite my better judgement. Apparently, when billeted earlier in the summer at a local house where they look after dogs that would otherwise go into kennels, a kind of holiday camp instead of the prison as he deserves, he attacked the owners chiuaua. Now it is not often I have any sympathy with Banjo, who causes me daily grief, but on this occasion I find myself strangely ambivalent about his poor behaviour as I see a chiuaua as a pork pie on legs. Even that nice lady decorator has some sympathy, describing the little mutt as akin to bait!

Unhappily, he was not banished to kennels on half rations (boy does that dog need to diet – he is as thick-set, thick being the operative word) but was rehabilitated with the chiuaua, so the story does not, in my opinion have a happy ending, but predictably that nice lady decorator disagrees.

I hear from Dave the Fade, who is now calling himself Dave Selon, which I believe is french for “Fade”. Is this his first acknowledgement that his golf swing which causes the fade (the ugliest thing I have seen since ET) needs a little correction? I do hope not, if he corrected it, a major thrust of my amusement at his expense in this column would be lost.

After suggesting that I cannot have any friends as a result of writing this daily entertainment, Dave confirms that he has space for Gerald Gomis from Leggetts Estate Agents, whose beginners golf I have described in rather less than flattering terms, on Saturday morning at St Donat. That is if the storms that are predicted today clear away in time. Gerald employs a kind of Whirling Dervish technique to his golf swing, a technique which may have suited his previous sporting triumphs as a professional rugby prop forward, but which as far as I know has not yet caught on in the golfing world.

Lunch plans may be disturbed by stormy weather today. I know this will upset some of you who like to hang on my every word and enjoy a full life by living it through my eyes and this missive, but don’t be downcast, I will find other equally entertaining ways to amuse myself!

Chris France

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