Purring on the beach

August 10, 2010

tags: Currencies Direct, Food & wine, Living In France, Moving To France

Galoshes, sou wester’, waders and emergency rations are all packed, ready for my trip to the frozen north. Tripe protection kit, black pudding warning system, mobile generator, and hefty winter clothing all are necessities in this inhospitable land called Yorkshire. Such is “summer” up north.

I am supposed to be playing cricket a couple of times over the next few days, but the “weather permitting” indicators are all pointing to several days stuck in the only pub in Yorkshire. The only upside will be if that pub sells Timothy Taylors Landlord, about the only beer good enough to be imported into the sultry south.

As if to emphasise the different climates, for my last day in civilisation this week, we went to Jazz Plage in Juan Les Pins for shashimi for that nice lady decorator, and moules frites for me, the latter no doubt helping me with a small cholesterol problem that seems to have developed. We are suitably attired in swimming shorts and bikinis, not the latter for me you understand. I am thinking of packing some swimming shorts just to show my Yorkshire friends what they look like. I suspect there is not too much swimming in Scunthorpe or Grimsby, so swimming shorts could be as rare as a trophy, like ivory or diamonds to us civilised folk.

My afternoon snooze on the sun bed is rudely and roughly ended by that nasty female painter who objects to what she calls my snoring. I took a picture from where I was which is shown below.

A nice snooze after a nice lunch? no

Patiently I explanade (which regular readers will recognise means to attempt an explanation when drunk) that I am merely purring quietly with pleasure, but she will have none of it, and so snooze suspended indefinitely. To say that I am a little peeved by this would be something of an understatement, kids playing ball, waves breaking on the beach, waterskiing, banana boating and jet skis creating a pleasant beach cacophony, but my purring is deemed unacceptable? Balderdash. Just let one guttural exclamation leave her lips if she dozes off and she will awaken as if a red-hot poker has entered her anatomy!

So, no pleasing afternoon nap for me, more rose is called for and duly ordered. Apparently it is more acceptable on the beach for me to be hog whimperingly drunk and act accordingly, than to purr quietly where the sound of the waves and holidaymakers enjoying them selves drown whatever sounds I allegedly make.

Bitter? me? Yes.

Talking of healthy eating, which I wasn’t, as I was discussing the Yorkshire diet, I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes. This is clearly more of a reason to eat red meat, fois gras and drink red wine that I had originally thought.

Our last night on the campsite we were given the chance to involve ourselves in something called “Bucking Bronco”. From what I could make out, it seems to be a kind of torture involving hanging on to a machine by a rope and waiting to be thrown off, entertainment indeed! No problem we thought, there is a nice little bar at the end of the road, which when we strolled down were amazed to find that it was closed on a Monday. Never mind that the place will be deserted 6 months of the year, they close on a Monday and will always close on a Monday, so much for commercial reality!

Chris France

buying a house in France, moving money? www.currenciesdirect.net/chrisfrance

Latest local news? http://www.fr2day.com/

Best Estate Agency in Valbonne? http://www.rivierarealty.net/

Best French Riviera Property Agent?

http://www.afa-international.com/

http://frenchriviera-properties.com/

rent my house in summer? http://www.holiday-rentals.co.uk/p412514

Best on line resource in Valbonne? http://www.valbonneonline.com/

Secret supper club http://www.red-radish.com/

Wedding reception? http://www.bastidestmathieu.com/

Valbonne Tourist Office http://www.tourisme-valbonne.com