Chamois soap brings testicular relief

July 15, 2010

tags: Cote D Azur, Currencies Direct, Hovis, Living In France, Moving To France, Sunny France

On our way to visit The Scotts en route to Buckinghamshire, we hear from Sophie Scott. Rupert “toad” Scott apparently went for lunch yesterday, but failed to arrive home until 6 30 the next morning, even for him an 18 hours is a big luncheon event.

Consequently he is in subdued form when we visit. He livens up for a quick jaunt to Shaftesbury to meet up with Mac Mackay, former resident of that sunny land called France. Mac has unwisely decided to cycle from London to Cornwall and has reached Shftesbury after 2 days with his son Bruno and looks like a drowned rat with saddle sores.

He denies the existence of said sores, for which he graphically attributes to the application of chamois soap to ones testicles to ease chafing. He demonstrates the application by waving has around, perhaps this another meaning for “testiculating”?. He is so pleased with the results however, that he typically offers us all, but notably that nice lady garden designer and the delicious Sophie Scott, the opportunity to view the results. On this occasion there were to takers for this no doubt excellent offer.

Shaftesbury is a typical English market town. My geography A level has imbued me with enough knowledge to know it is not in Yorkshire, so how would one explain the picture of this street in Shaftesbury below?

Hovis advert venue scam exposed - this is Shaftesbury!

Many will recognise this street as the setting for a long running TV advert for Hovis, an appalling northern “bread” set to what passes for music in Yorkshire, a brass band, and depicting a young Yorkshire lad with no shoes trailing home up the hill for his daily bread.

This atmospheric road is in Shaftesbury in Southern England. Clearly the TV crew filming the advert were leary of travelling to Yorkshire which would have necessitated them all travelling to the frozen north, bringing proper food with them and generators to make electricity. I am sorry shatter the illusions of my diehard Yorksire readers, many of whom I know secretly agree with my comments about the frozen north.

I have worked out that we are now half way through the watery hell of a summer trip, and it can only get worse when we turn north on Sunday, when Yorkshire is on the horizon. Old git friend Dave Wurr has been scything the tundra to enable us to play golf, so galoshes golf shoes or waders will probably be necessary.

I stupidly ask him if the venue that is booked has any water hazards before I realise what I have said. It will of course be impossible for a golf course in England not to have water hazards, the hazard is in trying not to drown on your round. A fleeting thought crosses my mind concerning floating balls, and Mac Mackay but reaches no conclusion.

I wonder if Mike Hardacre (with a k) has any wading crocs that I can borrow? Now there is a thought, a wading croc? That puts in mind of one of my favourite films, Happy Gilmour which involves crocodiles and golf but that thought chain reaches no conclusion.

En route from Devon to Somerset, we detour to Bristol to Danbury Motor homes to take a look at Camper vans. Our own VW camper van is now 41 years old and he have half an idea to try and get a new camper van.

You may think that looking at a new camper van, might revolve around looking for one with more sequins than the last one. However we are serious, a new camper van can cost up to £35,000 (40,000 euros at todays exchange rate), so we went to have a look to see just how camp they were.

Chris France

buying a house in France, moving money? www.currenciesdirect.net/chrisfrance

Latest local news? http://www.fr2day.com/

Best Estate Agency in Valbonne? http://www.rivierarealty.net/

Best French Riviera Property Agent?

http://www.afa-international.com/

http://frenchriviera-properties.com/

rent my house in summer? http://www.holiday-rentals.co.uk/p412514

Best on line resource in Valbonne? http://www.valbonneonline.com/

Secret supper club http://www.red-radish.com/

Wedding reception? http://www.bastidestmathieu.com/

Valbonne Tourist Office http://www.tourisme-valbonne.com