Golfing etiquette spurned shocker

June 28, 2010

tags: Currencies Direct, Ex Pats Golf, Golf in Valbonne, Living In France, Moving To France, Valbonne

And so to golf with Dave the Fade, Steve the Sheep and Maria the Pecker and the rest of the Landlubbers group at Opio Valbonne. Sadly I miss the superb photo opportunity presented when Maria went over to console Paul Duffy who was laying down on his back distraught after a number of wayward shots. I am not sure that her rather startling methods of relaxation helped Paul much, actually I lie, I know they helped him a great deal.

Delicacy prevents me from a full description of her “therapy” but the picture that escaped me would certainly have been one to behold. Perhaps it was the hot sunshine that raised temperatures, certainly my game collapsed after this incident, but I can quite understand the passion that golf arouses. Just last week I would have married my driver (golf club, not chauffeur) had I not already been entwined. Bigamy I hear you say, and I would reply, yes, one does ones best. Actually, that is definitely the worst joke I have ever made in this column.. and whilst talking of the worst, this was my lie after a poor drive at the 6th yesterday.

sitting up rather nicely I thought

Last year Mac Mackay, an old friend had a golf ball hit the windscreen of his car whilst driving past the Grande Bastide Golf Club. He went into the pro’s shop to remonstrate and met the lady who had hit the golf ball into the road.

She was rightly appalled at the carnage she could have caused and asked the pro what she could do to help. After a few moments consideration he replied that she should turn her grip a bit to the right and keep her head down….

Steve the Sheep Weston complains about his nickname which is now in general use amongst the Landlubbers golf group. He says he is being punished for one little slip (or one little fleece?), seeming to forget that I have incriminating emails and pictures which he sent me over a period of time and manifold witnesses who will testify to his sheep fetish.

And so to the barbecue with a sporting theme with neighbours Pete and Julie Bennett. Successful is the only way one could describe England’s sporting day, our glorious cricket team triumphed over Australia in the one day internationals, and our boys Hamilton and Button continue their dominance of the Formula 1 season and even an unpleasant Scotsmen is doing rather well at tennis. Apparently there was a football match going on but that was of no interest to me (or frankly anyone liking football).

And so today to Monaco with the lovely Pippa to meet with senior bankers from the Principality, still celebrating the engagement of their Prince, to discuss currency exchange rate issues. I am very much looking forward to his show on 25th July in Monte Carlo, – I wonder if he will perform “Purple Rain”?

After today there is a welcome break in the schedule before parties on Thursday in Mougins and Friday at Peyrloubet, the stunning residence now for sale and once owned by the Dom Perignon dynasty, where the current incumbent Nick Davies will no doubt be attired (for at least the first part of the night) in something entirely exotic, the event having an eastern theme.

Nick is of course famous for dis-robing in the most inappropriate places, the most notable of which was on the beach in St Tropez at famous restaurant Cinquante Cinq. I believe he was trying emulate Brigitte Bardot who memorably began the topless theme in the 1950’s, but he was about to go to a step further, ie bottomless until rugby tackled by long-suffering wife Lise.

Chris France

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