Golfing expressions you may not have heard!

May 24, 2010

tags: Cote D Azur, Currencies Direct, Ex Pats Golf, Golf in Valbonne, Grand Bastide Golf, John Otway, Living In France, Moving To France

Golf at St Bastide with the Landlubbers is enlivened by my coming to an “arrangement” with Steve Weston, in charge temporarily while Dave the Fade is abroad receiving counselling to stop his fade turning into a slice. Soliciting Steve as he has become known (see yesterdays episode) arranged for me to “play” with the amply endowed Maria, together with Nancy and Nick. The arrangement requires me not to be rude about Steve in this blog, a request to which I readily agreed. Rudeness is a of course a subjective term, I mean, who decides what is rude? I write this rubbish irrestable guide to living in Valbonne, so I would contend that the definition of rude would be anything that I consider rude, so no editorial control worries there then! Anyway the pairing proved to be of inestimable value for material for this blog. It mainly surrounds Maria’s and occasionally Nancy’s double entendres, each followed by a fit of giggles. I made a number of notes as we played around; oh err mother, even I have started. Here it is; “Make sure you have a firm grip”,” pull it out for me”, “harder the better for me”, “you can’t beat a big english sausage”,”my biker boy friends all had big helmets”…You see my dilemma? far too much good material in too short a space of time. It all got too much for Nick, who I am sure had a touch of the sun, why else would you do this to your nose, especially when playing with me whilst I have my blackberry camera phone! He calls it his baby bel nose.

Nick, have you ever heard of sun tan cream? I think it may do the job a little more efficiently

I know what I call it but am far too polite to print it here! We have another new girl in our midst, Pauline, who got off to a good start by asking if any of us will be staying overnight when we visit Terre Blanche in the coming weeks. The list of people signed up who had not contemplated an overnight before was impressive! Back to Steve Weston, who probably thought by now that he would not feature anymore today, but I have some notes about sheep. Mr Weston ventured the opinion that he liked sheep. Had I been him, that statement alone would have set the alarm bells ringing in my head and I would have shut up, but no, he kept ploughing on saying that he had a large collection of sheep pictures, a fact confirmed by Nancy, his wife!
Well, I was lost for words! He already has a reputation for wearing very dodgy shirts, to which I can add a very tasteless sombrero for his winning yesterday with 40 points – banditry of the highest order. As my old friend John Otway commented in his booked “Regrets, I’ve had a few” when digging a big hole to fall in from a great height, try to make sure it’s not full of poo! What great material!! like a lamb to the slaughter.., all sorts of questions must be answered, did he ever live in Wales?, where men are men and sheep are nervous? Did he ever have a favourite sheep called “fluffy”? does he have a Bo Peep fetish? Sheepskin rugs or coats? I guess that he must often feel a little sheepish, maybe when he reads this? There, I think I have finished all the sheep jokes. One final golf thought; Why is it that the man with fastest buggy gets the best lie?
Work this week entails sending invitations out for the July 9th Currencies Direct event in Nice and finding out about a song I control being included in a movie called Pineapple Express, presumably a sequel to a film of the same name from 2008.
I also have a list of jobs from my wife to do before she gets back on Wednesday, but I shall bribe some unfortunate youth, maybe my own daughter, to ensure all is done on time and take the credit, I have some serious sunbathing to do!

Chris France

buying a house in France, moving money? www.currenciesdirect.net/chrisfrance

Latest local news? http://www.fr2day.com/

Best Estate Agency in Valbonne? http://www.rivierarealty.net/

Best French Riviera Property Agent?

http://www.afa-international.com/

http://frenchriviera-properties.com/

rent my house in summer? http://www.holiday-rentals.co.uk/p412514

Best on line resource in Valbonne? http://www.valbonneonline.com/

Secret supper club http://www.red-radish.com/

Wedding reception? http://www.bastidestmathieu.com/

Valbonne Tourist Office http://www.tourisme-valbonne.com